Always be pure, simple and honest- Yogi Kava Tea

Reflecting...

I have been thinking how I have never really let anyone in, I know and I know that Mcdreamy is not for real, I know that he is just but an act, yet I am so sure a man can be that sensitive and a relationship can be as deep as Derek's and Meredith's. As I was saying,I have been doing some serious reflection and have realized that I have not really let anyone into my life, as deeply as I want to. I am a guarded, twisty, damaged and messed up individual who has often thought she was simple, but am complicated, even for myself. I don't know where to start disentangling what is so entangled in my life, I don't trust anyone enough to allow myself to be, I want to, trust me I do. Why is it so hard for me and so easy for some people? What is it in my childhood that made me so twisty? I cant quite place a finger to anything right now, but maybe I should do some more digging...from what I remember, I have always been afraid that my dad will die and leave me all alone, I have always been afraid of loss. My Mom says as a five year old I was so afraid when my dad got involved in an accident, I though he was going to die and I could not stop crying. How could I be so aware of death at five years old?