15hrs ago

In as much as it has been thought that fate plays a big part in our lives. I am certain that we are big players in our own destiny. Someone I know thinks of me as a self-centered and self-absorbed individual because I often use the word ‘I’ when am explaining things. I strongly believe in understanding oneself deeply. It has often been said that people who mention ‘I’ several times in a conversation are prone to depression and will die faster than those who focus on other people more. Also the idea that life is not an island and we all need people in our lives has been emphasized as much as breathing. Yet after living thirty three years on this earth one of the things I have learned after working with people most of my professional life, is that I am a much better person when I can retreat into myself. I am a firm believer in the idea that we can never give what we do not have. If you are like me, you will know that personal retreats are places of re-energizing. So I have been doing a twenty one day meditation challenge with Chopra along with two of some of my closest friends, one of whom introduced me to Chopra three years ago. One of the things I have learned is how much of myself I have discovered when I look deep inside. It’s amazing how much sensitive we are to experiences and how much we are guided in decision making when we focus on the small inner voice. The past twenty one days bring to recollection Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Basically if you believe in biblical scripture the way I do, you will understand that God has placed our lives in our hearts, the reason why we cannot fathom it is because we probably do not take time to look deep inside and understand who we really are. What makes us tick? What do we enjoy doing? What is our life purpose? Am pretty certain that we all do have a life purpose and when we realize that, we will stop focusing on who thinks what of us. A friend of mine once said, “We spend the whole of our lives watching ourselves. But when a man becomes meek he has finished with all that.” Could Jesus have meant meekness to mean the point of our lives where we are truly ourselves? No shells and concerns about who is watching. Just being plain truthful with who we are. Aha.

This morning I woke up with a splitting headache most likely from a four hour sleep in a stuffy room. All I could think of was just keep my grouchy self all day. And then as the hour aged, I decided that this  is my life of which I have control over.  So I started to speak out to myself about how much fun the day would bring. I also told myself how much determination I had to make sure I enjoyed every hour of it.  Being at church was so much fun, I sang my heart out. I sang out of tune. A gentleman sitting behind me was doing the same. Yet all I could think of was this is probably what heaven will be like- everyone singing…no one caring how out of tune we all are. Point is: just have fun. Tunes vary. Who cares about keys unless of course you are trying to prove that America has talent? 


We ended up spending the day with Moveri a friend of ours from Namibia – so much fun! We went to visit a Kenyan friend after the service. Drove over to a clothes swap where we had so much fun picking clothes, trying them on, laughing and eating. I ate so much raw broccoli and carrots that Janet said I smelt like broccoli. We drove to Target. Shopped and admired the new Target at Amherst. Tried on shoes - if felt like such a girly day out! Have not had one of these in forever. Whatever that means. We drove to Greenfield – some little town that looks more like Grey-field. A random plan led us to Sherburne Falls in want of surprising a boyfriend. He was surprised alright. The falls is pretty amazing.  liking the rock formations. I smiled at people on the highway, waved at them randomly. Some smiled back. Others probably wanted to kill me. Or so they looked like it. One of them looked like someone I have met in an NCIS episode. Another looked more like a 'Criminal Minds' person. I am not talking about the BAU people, more like those the BAU profile.

We got back home at about 7pm, made dinner. Tried on my crochet outfits and jewelry all over again. Had dinner. Talked more. And then it was time for the nine year old to go to bed. Just in case I forgot to mention, there has been a nine year old dude hanging out with us while we made history today. Am sure by this time he was fed up of being in the company of three ladies. Moveri had to return to Amherst. Its 11am. Here I am jotting down the happenings of this amazing life. There is no grouchy self. I let that go within the hour of waking. Approximately fifteen hours ago. I made sure my day turned out the way it did. Remember I am not taking God’s place. I have a free will. I have learned that I choose what attitude to carry around no matter the circumstances. I am still “I – ing” Night!