To be known and to Know

I avoid eye contact a lot, more than a normal person. Maybe its a Ugandan thing coupled with a phobia for Arab men, I have no idea why, but I know that I avoid eye contact. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul- meaning I never let anyway into my inner self, Its the part of me that is so afraid, deep and intimate, its a part of me where I can be understood for who I am, the part where I am free to be whatever and whoever, where I am messed up and yet longing to be whole, the part where I can just be Deborah in all my graces and disdains. I yearn to be known and to know... and just maybe I need to be more messed up before I can step up