Enough

Some man just had the nerve to tell me," I like you and I want my body inside yours." eeeuww what a thing to say to someone you do not know full well. I figure that people should learn not to say everything that comes to mind, if we all did that folly would be sold for a pence in the market place. There is certainly wisdom in discretion. Today I have a bad taste in my mouth, D wants to be here for me, A called and thinks am distressed, okay yeah I did sound distressed yesterday but that has passed- well sort of. I have not been outside since friday evening and its monday, I dont want to go out... but I have to at some point, I did go to the shop just now, got some drinks but there is still a bad taste in my mouth. Lord help me, I have not yet sent Milton's email, but I will. I need a few days to think things through, but I feel like its been a few hours of receiving his decision and am already looking into PHD schools, just written to a potential Advisor and hoping that I can actually make it to NUI. I look forward to teaching some day soon and hope that I can get to travel much. Chatted with Ida today, she is in Congo and am so happy for her. She is pleased said its the best thing to have happened to her in so long. She deserves it. I cant wait to look for Universities in Ethiopia, Madagascar and Angola, I want to go some place where I can learn French or Portuguese... maybe I will end up in Seychelles after all! Okay time to write my final paper, have done too much mourning, dillydallying and PHD searching... now its time to work hard for the future.

Letting go of Pain

Reflections from David G. http://www.chopra.com/library/med7 The body is our subconscious mind containing all our memories in a code that transcends language, Martha Graham the body never lies it says what words cant and by listening to its wisdom we can gather valuable clues that will issue us into emotional freedom. Pain and discomfort are a sign that am holding onto something that no longer serves me. Have I been holding onto a relationship that I should have let go a while ago, am I holding onto something that holds me down, and represses me. What am I carrying around with me that I should have let go… my body shows this in my upper shoulders, every time I have been there I get out looking older sadder, and uglier. It is the hurting that hurt others, those who hate themselves that want those around them to hate themselves. Each of us have at last one area where we need to find forgiveness in someone else; we need to cut the code that so unnecessarily connects us to the creator of the pain. When we forgive we move from victim to transcender, from blamer to acceptor, from weakened state to empowered state. What I need to do is not run from this dark hour, embrace it, accept the greatest thing I have feared- pain, accept that I have failed, feel the ache and the weakness, looking into the eyes of the person I associate this pain with. When we forgive us free ourselves from the tie that binds us to those who have hurt us, we have the key to open the door. When I choose not to forgive someone I choose to drink poison so that they will die, when I choose not to forgive only I know, forgiveness of others is pure bliss, because there is nothing connecting us to those that hurt us. The essence of responsibility is recognizing that regardless of what has happened in our lives up until now, we are capable of making new choices that can improve our situation, and we have the ability to respond in creative ways that allow for something new to emerge, for healing to unfold.