I have started saying things
like, ‘I believe that I am the best person for this position because I believe
in the future of America’s next generation!’ Huh – when did it come to this?
This is not a bad thing. I am only wondering whether I am being patriotic or
merely on a desperate quest for a job.
As I sit on the Amtrak which I
thought I would not do again in a very long time, I find it rather cozy. The
lounge area and the wide view windows. I could do anything to set this service
up in Uganda. A train system that runs all-round the country with large windows
in the lounge area where Ugandans can see their own picture risqué country.
This is to die for! The things I plan to do. I have been trying to connect to
the internet on the Amtrak but have failed. No idea what’s going on yet all the
windows have little sticker things saying, ‘Your seat is now a hotspot.
Internet on this train.’ I just asked an attendant why I could not connect to
the internet and she was sorry that there is no Wi-Fi on the train. Amtrak
please take off those little stickers and they are written in Capital letters
for crying out loud!
Minot, North Dakota is one of
those places that make me feel like Travyon Martin. I have been on the train
for the past thirty eight hours. So while we are being encouraged to go out for
some air which I am sure my face will appreciate I prefer to stay here and
watch from the window like a scared journalist.
I see a black man walking out of the train. He lives here. He has some
nerve am thinking to myself. Thing is I just do not want to put my shoes on. I guess you know am struggling to introduce
the whole racist talk that I often avoid.
Being in America feels like a continuation to the discourse of my
blackness. I have just recently read Baratunde’s ‘How to be black’ and its one
hilarious piece of work. Some things cut right to the core. I found every page
of it extremely funny and yet as deep as deep gets on black issues.
In Egypt everyday someone tells me what I
forget while in my sleep. I wake up every morning to the reminder that I am
black. They even have a range of names for me. Yet there has never been one day
that I have wished I were anything else. In fact, my complexion takes first
place for the best things on my body. In America it’s the same thing. The only
difference is in America the methodology differs. One good thing is sometimes I
get a day or two off from the reminder. When I am playing it safe, I can even
get a week off. Mind you, I used to be
one to despise people who talked about how racist others were. I always thought
it was one of those things you can ignore and just live life. As I grow up and
travel more, the color of my skin sometimes not always draws some negative
attention and even though it does not baffle me anymore. It sure does irritate
me. This is why I find myself time and again cursing in my head. I never understood why people curse until some
things like racial prejudice did my head in.
Meanwhile, a Namibian friend
thinks we (she and I) are prejudiced because we prefer black men to white
men. She did not really say it like
this. We were watching ‘Something New’ for the nth time and you know that scene
where Brain asks Kenya, ‘So I take it you do not do white guys?’ and she
answers, ‘it’s not prejudice, I just happen to prefer black men.’ Brain: ‘Well it’s
your preference to be prejudiced.’ So
Namibia friend asks, ‘Why do I feel like he is speaking to us?’ I smile. A
lesson I learned early in life. A smile can answer a question. Most often the
one asking the question does not even bother to ask again because to them the
smile confirms their answer. For me, a smile just says: Well you can say what
you like. My preference is my preference. No one should judge me if I end up
meeting a white soul mate. I did not ever say I would ‘never.’ I just hope for
me the list works what it did not for Kenya.
Have you been around people that
trash the place of their birth? Well this might only be understood by
immigrants. When I was in a certain country in Europe, I had no choice but to
spend time with a group of people I had unfortunately become related to by
marriage. Bam! North Dakota does have some beautiful spots! So these people would trash the country of
their birth every time they were together or even just alone with me. Too much
negative energy was flowing in the place that I appreciated the skill I have of
closing up and retreating to my inner place. Oh the joys of being different. I
have always had a very short attention span. It gets worse when my mind pre-determines
that a conversation is nonsensical before it even happens. Sometimes I must
admit it just happens. I have never been good at small talk. Not that I am even
good at long deep talks. I prefer when everything is just kept short and simple
except for sex of course. This is where I express everything I never really
say. So, this group of people would speak of their country with such contempt in
comparison to this industrialized country of Europe. I like to get down to the root
of things. For one the EU country is close to ageless, has never been colonized
but instead colonized several others. How would Uganda being a baby be as
mature as its own mother? I like to
think every country goes through development stages and Uganda’s level of
maturity is not their problem. I have met several people since then who speak
of their home country with as much disdain. The summation of my analysis begs
me to determine that the state of the country is not our problem.
A good solution would be to embrace
the receiving country and forget where one came from. After all the majority of
people on earth are immigrants of one sort or another. The more time we spend time
expressing notions of contempt towards what we cannot change, we create an
atmosphere of negative energy which truth be told that kind of energy is the
most unattractive thing in any human being. You probably think am gone all Kabbalistic
with this jargon. I cringe when am around negative people. My first reaction is
to run. The older I get I become more careful about the people I hang around
and what I can take and cannot take. My friend’s dad has been telling me how
the older people get the more conscious they become of their health. So maybe
am just watching my mind health too. Even though he still thinks am so young. I
need to stay around him more. Here is
what I think the problem is. My fellow immigrants who only have nothing good to
say about home: settle down and decide
whether we want to embrace our new place or live in the past. We could also try changing the things we
spend time complaining about. Am sure
you must be wondering how racism and non- nationalism can be in the same
discourse. I told you, I have a short attention span so I try to link topics of
choice, sometimes they are similar and sometimes they are similar to me alone. However
I believe that these two topics are both superficial. Man-made dialogues of
divisibility.
My take is that as long as we are
in this world we shall all have preferences.
A mighty strong preference can come across as racism. Negativity about a
place or person is usually more about the fact that we have never accepted who
we really are or even know who we are. When we know who we really are who other
people are is not an issue. We know ourselves too well that others cease to be a
threat to our peace. When we know who we really are we are at peace with others
and work at being the best we can be.
I’ll just go ahead and tell you
one of the main three reasons I prefer to end up with a black man: I want to have black babies with kinky curly/
coiled up hair like mine and do better things with it than I have done with
mine. My mother always cut our hair down short as children, when I asked her
recently why she did this. She said she did not know what to do with our hair.
So I grew up, doing everything different to my hair. I made cuts, bobs, French
cuts, tonged it, straight permed it, waved it, dreadlocked it, braided it,
twisted it and keratin treated it the list is endless. Suffice it to say that
my hair history is somewhat juicy especially when you take a look at my photo
album. Today I am thirty three and have
finally learned what to do with it to make it healthy and natural. I have gone
all Napptural and its all simple and sweet. So y’all should understand when
Maya Angelou says, ‘When you know better you do better.’ This is why I want to
have children with hair just like mine. Kind of like an experiment. And the
black man can contribute to this mission. As opposed to being something
superficial this is something practical I daresay!
I have just been informed that my
friend’s mother has four dates lined up for me in the next couple of weeks. Two
whites and two blacks. A varied pool. Am I excited?
