So much has gone down this week
from attention to Israel’s treatment of African migrants and asylum seekers to
my grandmother passing on.
My grandmother always had a way
of leaving an impact.
She collapsed while sharing her faith and her last words were,
“You need salvation I have told you and that is that.” She then took her spectacles off placed them in her handbag along with her bible and then she collapsed.
We are broken. My dad mostly;
I once heard Jakes say that when he sees people who still have their mothers
he pains for them because there is no pain like that of losing your mother.
My dad says he always prayed he would be with his mother while she passed on
and he was right there holding her.
I am glad and sad for him at the same time,
“Life is such a glorious trauma, is it not?” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Avenged
She collapsed while sharing her faith and her last words were,
“You need salvation I have told you and that is that.” She then took her spectacles off placed them in her handbag along with her bible and then she collapsed.
We are broken. My dad mostly;
I once heard Jakes say that when he sees people who still have their mothers
he pains for them because there is no pain like that of losing your mother.
My dad says he always prayed he would be with his mother while she passed on
and he was right there holding her.
I am glad and sad for him at the same time,
“Life is such a glorious trauma, is it not?” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Avenged
A part of me died when she passed
on.
My grandma always smiled at me.
She always smiled no matter what happened.
I loved to play with her hair.
She tried to speak English and she was good at trying.
She pronounced the words, “How are you?”
very clearly and with much confidence.
She was strong, passionate, loyal and extremely honest more like curt.
No wonder I get my being curt from her.
I get many things from my grandmother.
My grandparents loved each other with a fierce,
honest and loyal love that I am always awed at the memory of it.
It’s the kind of love some say does not exist.
You know the one where a day away from the other person
is like a year even after sixty years together?
When one was not well and they came to our town for treatment,
right after seeing the doctor my grandfather would say he needed to leave
because he was concerned about leaving his wife all alone.
He would go to great lengths to explain how she would struggle to take the cows back to the shed ( even though he knew she had help).
Then he would talk about how she might need help doing this or the other.
They could not be apart for more than a couple of days.
They had a healthy and intimate relationship where vows, commitments and loyalty were the driving forces.
Their relationship was the lock and key kind, I’ve seen it with my parents and a couple of their friends. I still believe in it, no matter how much water goes down the thing.
My grandma always smiled at me.
She always smiled no matter what happened.
I loved to play with her hair.
She tried to speak English and she was good at trying.
She pronounced the words, “How are you?”
very clearly and with much confidence.
She was strong, passionate, loyal and extremely honest more like curt.
No wonder I get my being curt from her.
I get many things from my grandmother.
My grandparents loved each other with a fierce,
honest and loyal love that I am always awed at the memory of it.
It’s the kind of love some say does not exist.
You know the one where a day away from the other person
is like a year even after sixty years together?
When one was not well and they came to our town for treatment,
right after seeing the doctor my grandfather would say he needed to leave
because he was concerned about leaving his wife all alone.
He would go to great lengths to explain how she would struggle to take the cows back to the shed ( even though he knew she had help).
Then he would talk about how she might need help doing this or the other.
They could not be apart for more than a couple of days.
They had a healthy and intimate relationship where vows, commitments and loyalty were the driving forces.
Their relationship was the lock and key kind, I’ve seen it with my parents and a couple of their friends. I still believe in it, no matter how much water goes down the thing.
This week, while I mourned for my
grandma I read through the book of Ecclesiastes
because I needed to remind myself of how meaningless life is.
A week ago Ida and I had been talking about death and the feelings that come with those who are left behind. I said death makes you realize how meaningless this life can be.
We are here one day and another we are not.
What is the point of this?
She replied, “Not meaningless. Maybe despair sets in. You want the bells to toll no more, and for the day to stand still. To have a day of silence and then you want everyone to know what you know and feel what you feel.”
And despair did set in.
I decided to watch drama/ romance movies - the ones that make you think life lasts forever
and it’s blissful despite the huddles.
I went over twenty three of them and they did help numb pain.
Yet the time between the ends of a movie and searching for another was filled with groans.
It’s almost as if I had barbed wire cut through my flesh.
You know that sort of searing pain you only feel when you hit a gravel road – its happened to me so I know. My grandparents were a big part of who I am.
They named me. They called me nothing else but Amoding.
My grandmother always wanted to raise us, she hoped my parents would leave us stay with her, but they wanted to raise us themselves.
When I think of who I am today, I can’t think of myself without my grandparents.
because I needed to remind myself of how meaningless life is.
A week ago Ida and I had been talking about death and the feelings that come with those who are left behind. I said death makes you realize how meaningless this life can be.
We are here one day and another we are not.
What is the point of this?
She replied, “Not meaningless. Maybe despair sets in. You want the bells to toll no more, and for the day to stand still. To have a day of silence and then you want everyone to know what you know and feel what you feel.”
And despair did set in.
I decided to watch drama/ romance movies - the ones that make you think life lasts forever
and it’s blissful despite the huddles.
I went over twenty three of them and they did help numb pain.
Yet the time between the ends of a movie and searching for another was filled with groans.
It’s almost as if I had barbed wire cut through my flesh.
You know that sort of searing pain you only feel when you hit a gravel road – its happened to me so I know. My grandparents were a big part of who I am.
They named me. They called me nothing else but Amoding.
My grandmother always wanted to raise us, she hoped my parents would leave us stay with her, but they wanted to raise us themselves.
When I think of who I am today, I can’t think of myself without my grandparents.
Does it mean a part of me died this week?
Or does it mean a part of my grandmother lives on in me?
I want to think she lives on in me.
Maybe this is really why people have children.
Maybe life is not as meaningless as Solomon thought it was.
My parents say she had a very decent funeral.
Our family and friends took over every detail of arranging the service and burial.
Mother says it was beautiful; grandma did have a way of leaving an impact.
The impact of the children and grandchildren she had.
The impact of a life well lived and a fierce love for her family; the impact of a wife who was always by her husband’s side – such people leave us never the same again.
When they go they go in style.
I once read something that went like this, “When I leave this earth, I want to enter the gates of heaven swooshing past with a cup of coffee in my hands and saying, “wow! That was a great ride!”
Grandma had a great ride!
Or does it mean a part of my grandmother lives on in me?
I want to think she lives on in me.
Maybe this is really why people have children.
Maybe life is not as meaningless as Solomon thought it was.
My parents say she had a very decent funeral.
Our family and friends took over every detail of arranging the service and burial.
Mother says it was beautiful; grandma did have a way of leaving an impact.
The impact of the children and grandchildren she had.
The impact of a life well lived and a fierce love for her family; the impact of a wife who was always by her husband’s side – such people leave us never the same again.
When they go they go in style.
I once read something that went like this, “When I leave this earth, I want to enter the gates of heaven swooshing past with a cup of coffee in my hands and saying, “wow! That was a great ride!”
Grandma had a great ride!
