He whispered to her. Standing
above her, holding her head to his chest he said, ‘I want to make love to you.
I want to kiss you from your hair to your toes. I want to know you. And then I
want to go away and lie down and think of you after I have done these things.
All I want to do on our first night is to explore your body, to feel your heart
at your fingertips. I want to taste you and know what makes you tick. I do not
want to penetrate you, not tonight. Tonight is your night. It is I who will
show you how much I want to satisfy you. And after all this I want to walk away
and dream of you and the day I will make more love to you. I want you to
remember, I do not want you to conceive, not now. I want it to be a day and many more days when
all I do with you is get to know each other. I want us to know what makes us
squeal, cry with passion, what makes us want what we want from each other. I
want to know you and all of you. I want to touch the parts of you that you are
afraid to touch. The places you are afraid to go to. The things you are afraid
to know. I want us to embrace life together. I want to be here and there where
you are. I want to hear you when you speak. When you say what you are not
saying so that one day we can just say what we mean. I want to share the
simplicities and complexities of life with you and carry you in my heart every
day. I want you. – Excerpt from ‘Deep Inside’
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Friday, 27 January 2012
To Friendships!
In the past few days of this wonderful New Year, I have been
excited, pleased and proud of myself. There are several lessons I am learning.
Since reading the book ‘if life is a game these are the rules’ by Cherie Carter
Scott; I am learning that in life there are no mistakes, it’s about
lessons. The concept of mistakes paints
the idea that life is supposed to be perfect and predetermined. However, life
is what we often make it. As the Bible says, 'what a man thinks, so is he.’ In
several ways we make our life what it is by what we think and do. I am often
amazed at how much my thoughts have come into being, my fears and my desires.
Suffice it to say that I am on a path of self-knowledge and learning to create
my fantastic future.
Am excited about the next phase of my life, I guess as
excited as Egyptians are for a new government, There are fears all over the
world about Egypt voting for the Muslim brotherhood to rule. Why are we afraid?
Are we afraid that there will stringent laws on dress, higher taxes on alcohol
or that Coptic Christians will face a greater degree of marginalization? Foreigners
should be the last to make comments on such issues until of course it becomes a
matter of concern for the international community. In my view, Egyptians have
fought for the right to vote for their own leaders. Of course it’s never fair
as we cannot say that Coptic Christians get a fair say on issues. Coptic Christians
are the minority and no matter how many of them vote, they will not meet the
required votes to get whoever they want in government. Pardon my lack of
statistics here.
Am leaving here in a few days, not sure what happens next
after this. After making job applications to a host of different places I can’t
quite say where I will be in the next few months. I can only hope that it will
be some adventurous place. In 2007 I had
my life all planned out. Actually I had the ten years of my life all planned out :). I knew that I was going to get the
graduate diploma in Refugee studies, get a job in the US doing refugee work,
start having babies and raise them up. Everything seemed definite, and then it
all came crashing down when my marriage got garbled by forces beyond my
control. I remember fighting with everything in me. One of the numerous lessons
I learned was that you can’t fight for a heart, nor can you fight for a
marriage by yourself. I thought then that my life was over, but it was only the
beginning. For two years every step of the way was uncertain for me until now. So
I am learning to embrace uncertainties and bask in the present, knowing that my
future is going to be wonderful because I am going to create it.
As I look back am proud of myself for the choices I made, for
the work I put into my graduate studies, even when I thought I had reached the
end of the rope. I remember particular instances
when I wrote my papers especially for international dispute settlement moot
court memorials with a heavy heart and big tear drops. I remember writing a
book review for research and writing in int. human rights law and weeping all
over that paper. I could not believe how much I could cry. I remember writing
an email to a friend and telling her how much I had mastered the art of crying.
I pretty much learned to cry everywhere and every time without anyone noticing.
For a while I was amazed at the amount of tears my body manufactured. Those were sad days :( I can’t seem to comprehend how
I have been able to go through graduate school. Yay! Its happy days now! From this
point on it only gets better.
Recently a friend sent me an article on The Power of Female Friendship:
I must say reading it made me realize that I have been able
to get through the past three years because I had the most amazing friends in
the world! Friends who listened to me narrate my pains and hurts. Took hours listening to me say the same thing over and over. Listen to me say some ridiculous things and cringe. Friends who have been blunt and fiery with me. Friends who have listened to me over and over on the
phone, on email, on Skype. Friends who flew miles to spend time with me wherever I was. Friends who gave me shelter when I was homeless. A friend who wired
money to my account when I was at my worst. Friends who called me from thousands and
thousands of miles away just to find out how I was doing almost every day. I
have been blessed and loved by so many dear ones. And I do not take it for
granted. I may not see them every day, yet there isn’t a day in my life when I
do not find them in my heart, when I look. Friends who I know for sure I will hold dear
to my heart until I have no breath in me.
Am going to spend the rest of my life being grateful for
friendships that have transcended borders, race and blood. Friendships that
have transformed my life beyond what I can imagine. Sometimes I think of
repaying, yet I know deep inside that you cannot repay love. I only pray and
want to be the friend that my friends have been to me. And to my friends: My
wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to be (Rascal Flatts). From my heart to yours!
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