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Monday, 26 March 2012

Dialogues of Divisibility


I have started saying things like, ‘I believe that I am the best person for this position because I believe in the future of America’s next generation!’ Huh – when did it come to this? This is not a bad thing. I am only wondering whether I am being patriotic or merely on a desperate quest for a job.

As I sit on the Amtrak which I thought I would not do again in a very long time, I find it rather cozy. The lounge area and the wide view windows. I could do anything to set this service up in Uganda. A train system that runs all-round the country with large windows in the lounge area where Ugandans can see their own picture risqué country. This is to die for! The things I plan to do. I have been trying to connect to the internet on the Amtrak but have failed. No idea what’s going on yet all the windows have little sticker things saying, ‘Your seat is now a hotspot. Internet on this train.’ I just asked an attendant why I could not connect to the internet and she was sorry that there is no Wi-Fi on the train. Amtrak please take off those little stickers and they are written in Capital letters for crying out loud!
Minot, North Dakota is one of those places that make me feel like Travyon Martin. I have been on the train for the past thirty eight hours. So while we are being encouraged to go out for some air which I am sure my face will appreciate I prefer to stay here and watch from the window like a scared journalist.  I see a black man walking out of the train. He lives here. He has some nerve am thinking to myself. Thing is I just do not want to put my shoes on.  I guess you know am struggling to introduce the whole racist talk that I often avoid.  Being in America feels like a continuation to the discourse of my blackness. I have just recently read Baratunde’s ‘How to be black’ and its one hilarious piece of work. Some things cut right to the core. I found every page of it extremely funny and yet as deep as deep gets on black issues.

 In Egypt everyday someone tells me what I forget while in my sleep. I wake up every morning to the reminder that I am black. They even have a range of names for me. Yet there has never been one day that I have wished I were anything else. In fact, my complexion takes first place for the best things on my body. In America it’s the same thing. The only difference is in America the methodology differs. One good thing is sometimes I get a day or two off from the reminder. When I am playing it safe, I can even get a week off.  Mind you, I used to be one to despise people who talked about how racist others were. I always thought it was one of those things you can ignore and just live life. As I grow up and travel more, the color of my skin sometimes not always draws some negative attention and even though it does not baffle me anymore. It sure does irritate me. This is why I find myself time and again cursing in my head.  I never understood why people curse until some things like racial prejudice did my head in.



Meanwhile, a Namibian friend thinks we (she and I) are prejudiced because we prefer black men to white men.  She did not really say it like this. We were watching ‘Something New’ for the nth time and you know that scene where Brain asks Kenya, ‘So I take it you do not do white guys?’ and she answers, ‘it’s not prejudice, I just happen to prefer black men.’ Brain: ‘Well it’s your preference to be prejudiced.’  So Namibia friend asks, ‘Why do I feel like he is speaking to us?’ I smile. A lesson I learned early in life. A smile can answer a question. Most often the one asking the question does not even bother to ask again because to them the smile confirms their answer. For me, a smile just says: Well you can say what you like. My preference is my preference. No one should judge me if I end up meeting a white soul mate. I did not ever say I would ‘never.’ I just hope for me the list works what it did not for Kenya.

Have you been around people that trash the place of their birth? Well this might only be understood by immigrants. When I was in a certain country in Europe, I had no choice but to spend time with a group of people I had unfortunately become related to by marriage. Bam! North Dakota does have some beautiful spots!  So these people would trash the country of their birth every time they were together or even just alone with me. Too much negative energy was flowing in the place that I appreciated the skill I have of closing up and retreating to my inner place. Oh the joys of being different. I have always had a very short attention span. It gets worse when my mind pre-determines that a conversation is nonsensical before it even happens. Sometimes I must admit it just happens. I have never been good at small talk. Not that I am even good at long deep talks. I prefer when everything is just kept short and simple except for sex of course. This is where I express everything I never really say. So, this group of people would speak of their country with such contempt in comparison to this industrialized country of Europe. I like to get down to the root of things. For one the EU country is close to ageless, has never been colonized but instead colonized several others. How would Uganda being a baby be as mature as its own mother?  I like to think every country goes through development stages and Uganda’s level of maturity is not their problem. I have met several people since then who speak of their home country with as much disdain. The summation of my analysis begs me to determine that the state of the country is not our problem.

A good solution would be to embrace the receiving country and forget where one came from. After all the majority of people on earth are immigrants of one sort or another. The more time we spend time expressing notions of contempt towards what we cannot change, we create an atmosphere of negative energy which truth be told that kind of energy is the most unattractive thing in any human being. You probably think am gone all Kabbalistic with this jargon. I cringe when am around negative people. My first reaction is to run. The older I get I become more careful about the people I hang around and what I can take and cannot take. My friend’s dad has been telling me how the older people get the more conscious they become of their health. So maybe am just watching my mind health too. Even though he still thinks am so young. I need to stay around him more.  Here is what I think the problem is. My fellow immigrants who only have nothing good to say about home:  settle down and decide whether we want to embrace our new place or live in the past.  We could also try changing the things we spend time complaining about.  Am sure you must be wondering how racism and non- nationalism can be in the same discourse. I told you, I have a short attention span so I try to link topics of choice, sometimes they are similar and sometimes they are similar to me alone. However I believe that these two topics are both superficial. Man-made dialogues of divisibility.

My take is that as long as we are in this world we shall all have preferences.  A mighty strong preference can come across as racism. Negativity about a place or person is usually more about the fact that we have never accepted who we really are or even know who we are. When we know who we really are who other people are is not an issue. We know ourselves too well that others cease to be a threat to our peace. When we know who we really are we are at peace with others and work at being the best we can be.

I’ll just go ahead and tell you one of the main three reasons I prefer to end up with a black man:  I want to have black babies with kinky curly/ coiled up hair like mine and do better things with it than I have done with mine. My mother always cut our hair down short as children, when I asked her recently why she did this. She said she did not know what to do with our hair. So I grew up, doing everything different to my hair. I made cuts, bobs, French cuts, tonged it, straight permed it, waved it, dreadlocked it, braided it, twisted it and keratin treated it the list is endless. Suffice it to say that my hair history is somewhat juicy especially when you take a look at my photo album.  Today I am thirty three and have finally learned what to do with it to make it healthy and natural. I have gone all Napptural and its all simple and sweet. So y’all should understand when Maya Angelou says, ‘When you know better you do better.’ This is why I want to have children with hair just like mine. Kind of like an experiment. And the black man can contribute to this mission. As opposed to being something superficial this is something practical I daresay!

I have just been informed that my friend’s mother has four dates lined up for me in the next couple of weeks. Two whites and two blacks. A varied pool. Am I excited? 

Monday, 19 March 2012

15hrs ago

In as much as it has been thought that fate plays a big part in our lives. I am certain that we are big players in our own destiny. Someone I know thinks of me as a self-centered and self-absorbed individual because I often use the word ‘I’ when am explaining things. I strongly believe in understanding oneself deeply. It has often been said that people who mention ‘I’ several times in a conversation are prone to depression and will die faster than those who focus on other people more. Also the idea that life is not an island and we all need people in our lives has been emphasized as much as breathing. Yet after living thirty three years on this earth one of the things I have learned after working with people most of my professional life, is that I am a much better person when I can retreat into myself. I am a firm believer in the idea that we can never give what we do not have. If you are like me, you will know that personal retreats are places of re-energizing. So I have been doing a twenty one day meditation challenge with Chopra along with two of some of my closest friends, one of whom introduced me to Chopra three years ago. One of the things I have learned is how much of myself I have discovered when I look deep inside. It’s amazing how much sensitive we are to experiences and how much we are guided in decision making when we focus on the small inner voice. The past twenty one days bring to recollection Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”


Basically if you believe in biblical scripture the way I do, you will understand that God has placed our lives in our hearts, the reason why we cannot fathom it is because we probably do not take time to look deep inside and understand who we really are. What makes us tick? What do we enjoy doing? What is our life purpose? Am pretty certain that we all do have a life purpose and when we realize that, we will stop focusing on who thinks what of us. A friend of mine once said, “We spend the whole of our lives watching ourselves. But when a man becomes meek he has finished with all that.” Could Jesus have meant meekness to mean the point of our lives where we are truly ourselves? No shells and concerns about who is watching. Just being plain truthful with who we are. Aha.

This morning I woke up with a splitting headache most likely from a four hour sleep in a stuffy room. All I could think of was just keep my grouchy self all day. And then as the hour aged, I decided that this  is my life of which I have control over.  So I started to speak out to myself about how much fun the day would bring. I also told myself how much determination I had to make sure I enjoyed every hour of it.  Being at church was so much fun, I sang my heart out. I sang out of tune. A gentleman sitting behind me was doing the same. Yet all I could think of was this is probably what heaven will be like- everyone singing…no one caring how out of tune we all are. Point is: just have fun. Tunes vary. Who cares about keys unless of course you are trying to prove that America has talent? 


We ended up spending the day with Moveri a friend of ours from Namibia – so much fun! We went to visit a Kenyan friend after the service. Drove over to a clothes swap where we had so much fun picking clothes, trying them on, laughing and eating. I ate so much raw broccoli and carrots that Janet said I smelt like broccoli. We drove to Target. Shopped and admired the new Target at Amherst. Tried on shoes - if felt like such a girly day out! Have not had one of these in forever. Whatever that means. We drove to Greenfield – some little town that looks more like Grey-field. A random plan led us to Sherburne Falls in want of surprising a boyfriend. He was surprised alright. The falls is pretty amazing.  liking the rock formations. I smiled at people on the highway, waved at them randomly. Some smiled back. Others probably wanted to kill me. Or so they looked like it. One of them looked like someone I have met in an NCIS episode. Another looked more like a 'Criminal Minds' person. I am not talking about the BAU people, more like those the BAU profile.

We got back home at about 7pm, made dinner. Tried on my crochet outfits and jewelry all over again. Had dinner. Talked more. And then it was time for the nine year old to go to bed. Just in case I forgot to mention, there has been a nine year old dude hanging out with us while we made history today. Am sure by this time he was fed up of being in the company of three ladies. Moveri had to return to Amherst. Its 11am. Here I am jotting down the happenings of this amazing life. There is no grouchy self. I let that go within the hour of waking. Approximately fifteen hours ago. I made sure my day turned out the way it did. Remember I am not taking God’s place. I have a free will. I have learned that I choose what attitude to carry around no matter the circumstances. I am still “I – ing” Night!

Thursday, 15 March 2012

New beginnings

So it’s official that I do not have that much self-control anymore. I used to think I was so in control of myself yet when it comes to food I think I have pretty much lost it. Two years ago I went vegetarian, well not really. I joined the pescetarian movement. I have been ravishing fish as though I were a whale. My daily habits have not improved as after being diagnosed with some dodgy ailment – I have had to cut off all sorts of weird foods that contain carbs and focus on eating high fiber and insurmountable amounts of protein – hihi. fish watch out here I come!

Well for the past several weeks since leaving Africa (which as you know is a country). I have been feeling extremely contained. There is something about an environment that is overly regulated that takes out the life and spirit from humanity. Before I tell you the most recent annoyance I have faced I need to give you some background which happened in 2002 on my first visit to the United States. My friend Ann and I were driving from Philadelphia to Harrisburg when our car broke down. We called the Towing Company and when these two men arrived to help us, one of them asked where I was from. I said, “Uganda.” He said, “Is that in Africa.”  I was impressed he knew where this was. And then he blew it. Just when I was thanking God that there was someone on this trip who knew a thing or two about the world, he asked me another question, “I have a friend in Algeria, his name is… do you know him?” 

So here goes. I have been receiving emails from an individual I met during one of my travels in one of the North American states, namely Canada :) . Well he had this friend traveling to one of the African states and sent me an email asking if I could meet up with her to help out and clarify some things about her time in this particular state which I have never been to. He wanted me to give her information on the culture, food, places to visit, what to be cautious about and all the stuff that she can’t find on the internet. Don’t we love sarcasm? It does save us from saying too much. Well I sent him an email explaining that even I would love to this visit this particular state and therefore I had nothing to offer. Some of my friends who saw the email were impressed at how much grace I expressed in my response. And I thought I was rude! He writes back stating that he would have loved it anyway if I could give her some advice because all she is getting is from people who do not know anything about this state. Dang! Dude! Really? So I replied saying that I honestly came from Uganda and not this amazing huge piece of land that was divided from my origin by his forefathers and if at all they had not done this I would have been able to help out. Well I did not really say that, but I said that I come from Uganda not that country that am sure you are all dying to know about where so much help was needed from me yet Google seems to know it all. 

At this point am thinking of taking him off my Facebook. Yeah that book that is allowing me to write the story of my life with some people I would rather avoid and pretend do not exist on the same planet as I do. I do purge my Facebook account from time to time and this particular individual who believes Africa is this one big place where everyone knows each other might just be on my purge list. 

I like new things. New beginnings always turn me on. I love adventure. I am from a very nomadic tribe. Even though my grandparents never really moved that much in search of green pasture for their cattle, I like to tell people that we are nomads. Ask any East African. East Africa ain’t no country even though the USAID website implies that it is - the things you learn from job searching.The thing is when the land was divided up to make up states, my tribe was also divided up. Presently you will find the nomadic people of Teso in Ethiopia, Kenya and Uganda. As I was saying, ask any East African about the Iteso people. They’ll tell you that we are nomads. We move and we never really form ties wherever we go. This does not mean I have no ability to commit. I can even confess to you – my most prized secret at this time of my life: I am longing to meet my soul mate and have a family. I even dream of being in a home for several years with little breaks touring the globe. And when my children are come of the age where they can travel by themselves, I will practically chase them away if they do not globe trot. Some of the deepest lessons I have learned in life have been from travel experiences. 

So here I am at a new place. Yesterday all I did was stay in bed all day. I needed to find a new place to come away too. I guess by now it’s quite clear am not working on a job with people in an office. I have made over 68 applications, had one interview and six rejects. Including that one interview. Ah, I love Baratunde's writing. That previous line was random. I even had time yesterday to write to the Organization that interviewed me asking them to let me know why they decided not to take me on when the interview seemed to go so well. They did reply. They decided to hire a man because he would to survive the harsh conditions of working in Juba more than I would. What they did say was it was a tricky decision. Apparently he had more writing experience than I do. 

It’s almost spring. I am excited about this new season. Spring comes with so much hope for life and newness. I am looking forward to the flowers and the green. I am looking forward to a life of greatness, hope and love this season. To new beginnings!

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Here Goes

Never got anywhere
By running away
Never learned anything
Without anything
Without a mistake

Never loved anyone

By playing it safe
It's a long way, but
I'm right here now, so

Here goes nothing

Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
Or you'll fall for anything

Take a breath, take a step

What comes next
God only knows
But here goes

I don't wanna turn around

And wonder what happened
Never lost and never found
Are one and the same

I wanna run across the battle lines

And take my chances
Not the long way 'round
When I'm here right now
  
Take a breath, take a step
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes

What good is chance not taken?

What good is life not living?
What good is love not given?

Take a breath, take a step

What comes next
God only knows
But here goes
And God only knows
But here goes
~ Bebo Norman