Life out of Context

This past Sunday I hosted ‘the ladies who love to read book club,’ started by two lovely ladies I have a high respect for. Being an extreme introvert I enjoyed listening to these young ladies chat about life, events and themselves. I am always amazed at how much enthusiasm and joy oozes out of extroverted humans.

Wewere discussing Walter Mosley's “Life out of Context.” In my living room sat eight  accomplished, beautiful and intelligent women. I was awed at how similar we all are apart from all the credentials we carry. We all question the status quo of our people in this country from a global perspective. I was slightly taken aback at Mosley indication of the plight of our people not being in state of war. We however, agreed that there is a war against us. But we never stop to think that this war is not being fought with a sword and shield.We are a very strong people and the only we can be destroyed is through the destruction of our minds. We as a people do not know this, I guess in many ways we have come to believe that we are less than; a people mentally and physically inferior and because of this we reject our own culture and norms and embrace anything else but what is akin to us. We are constantly bombarded with agendas to distract us from our plight and fight and we are unconscious of who we are and too entangled in other peoples culture that we are disconnected from who we really are. 

I wondered for a moment as I looked around me, asking myself, "How important are my degrees? Have my degrees brought me to a place where I want to be or are they only an illusion of success? What is success? Who defines it? Five of us migrated to the States for varied reasons but hey, we are all here living lives out of context without necessarily knowing it. We study food, health and human rights laws of  culture that sometimes appears to be against our very own existence. We are conscious yet completely unconscious. 

The concept of consciousness sweeping over our people today is characterized by avoiding MacDonald’s and other fast food places, questioning and doubting the media, and recognizing that there is a war against us and yet not defining the enemy. Not because we do not know who the enemy is, but because our lives are entirely wrapped up in what could be against us that we cannot separate ourselves from it. In a sense we have become our own enemy and this is part of the war. Unless we start to disentangle ourselves from what is not us or for us, we are never going to be free. This life of ours will always be a life out of context.

I believe in retro; in going back to the roots to being grounded, literally and metaphorically. I am the kind of person who has to understand ideas and issues from the root otherwise am hopeless at making decisions. I need details, why and how? A couple of years ago, I had many questions because I had done everything I wanted to do but I was never getting where I wanted to be. Today, on this retro path, my life is slowly finding context.

Dear Ugandan Politician

https://ssenyonga.wordpress.com/2015/07/21/dear-ugandan-politician/

The Good kind of Contol

Believe it or not somewhere in this mess there is a method. It’s my first job managing an entire project, making decisions, moving things. If I do not send out an email or call a meeting, nothing moves. 

At this present moment my life is surrounded by pressure, some bright days when I run off and hide in the comfort of my living room, watch my bell peppers and tomatoes grow and dream of a day when I will have my very own personal assistant. Isn't it interesting that human beings have a need to own things, people and animals? Someone I know often reiterates that Americans have a need more than any people to control something or anything. Whenever he sees people walking around with their dogs on a leash he compares it to being in Africa where the dogs run free and return when the sun sets. 

However, when you think about America, the idea of privacy has numerous facets to it. Privacy ranges from not evading another’s space on the bus, train and in one’s home; but when it comes to the media; what one does, writes, photography there is absolutely no privacy. In Africa, yes Africa that one big country, I said it – bite me! I hate borders – but this is a topic for another day. Well, in Africa, the notion of privacy is invisible. We do not think, talk or act it. When I was growing up, I got told off for things I was doing wrong by the neighbors and all my relatives, distant and near, people from church and even my own older siblings who sometimes took out a cane to discipline me. A child’s life is not their own or even their parents only.

Today I had a meeting with a partner firm I am working with and was pressing the need for privacy for refugees in a camp while we undertake the research project out there. The partner said to me, ‘the notion of privacy for refugees in a camp is absolutely different from what you are speaking of. In a camp xx refugees as old as my grandparents take a bath in the open, nothing is private,’ this not because they want to, but because its the hand they have been dealt. Maybe I'm stretching it when I make reference to refugees. Refugees are special in that they have no control whatsoever as to what has happened and what is happening to them. Non-refugees on the continent do have a sense of control over their lives but in a collective sense. We control our families, everyone chips in, many times my parents will call me to talk to a sibling or cousin about something they would rather have someone else say and my siblings will call me to speak to my parents about something that they are fed up of bringing up, relatives will ask my parents about me and throw in their ten cents about my unconventional lifestyle – why do I wear my hair like that? Why does she travel too much? Why doesn't she have any children yet?

My desire for a personal assistant, maybe an intern who can get all my work done, is evidence of my transition from the collective to the individual. I want to own something of my own, to say that I have someone who you can contact instead of coming straight to me; to get my work done so that I have less to do -to have the freedom to thrive without pressure. One of my girlfriends would say, this is a good control. 

Risking to be Free

Its almost a year since I moved to the D.C. metro area. A close friend of mine was laughing at me a few days back when he reminded me that while preparing to return to the States, I picked on D.C because I had said many times before that I'd prefer to live in a politically happening city. I tried to deny ever saying that, but the more I think about it, the more akin I am to being in a place where things are run. I am a city girl, have always been. I was born in the center of Kampala and grew up three minutes away from the Parliament, two minutes away from the National Radio Station and only about 5-10 minutes away from every major national headquarters at the time. 

But my dear friend was not laughing at me in a good way, he was laughing at me in a conscious sort of way, as if to say, we have been spooked, I most of all. For where the power lies, there the devil reigns. Which is exactly as the devil said to Christ - if you bow before me I will give you the kingdoms of the earth. Bummer! So you mean Christ does not reign over the Kingdoms of the earth? But why, do I want so badly to be a part of the Kingdoms of the earth? 

So I am designing new dreams. I was showing one of my Ivy League friends a video of the life I want to live, it included a lot of farming. She said to me after the video ended, "I will not lie to you, that is not my kind of life." And she added, "why don't you just aim at being a President, something great. Farming??" Her response was just what I expected. The world is full of people like me, wanting to be where things are run, wanting to be UN Secretary general (well this is still on) but I also want t to be a farmer. I believe that Farming is the future of the world. Not many people see this. Not many people think its noble. But a famous farmer I know once said, Farming is dangerous, it is not a democracy its a dictatorship. Farming will dictate everything in your life and you are at a great risk of being free. 

So here I am; a Meroetic woman, living in the D.C area, bound by time, rules and a paycheck, desiring the biggest job at the United Nations and yet above all considering the risk to freedom because dangerous is attractive. 

Annoying Optimism

I avoid dealing with people who've not been through pain. It’s nothing I have against them. I just cannot relate to them. The parts of me that I need to have known, touched and need to have fellowship are tied up not in the successes of my life but in the struggles of my life. For TMH has done more through my struggles than he has ever done through my successes and if you look carefully at my successes, they are made out of the ingredients of my struggles; and you can never know my successes until you understand my struggles. My struggles are the pathway that led me into my successes. If you have never had anything to die in your life, you have the kind of optimism that is annoying. Your preaching is not balanced by failure. You do not know what I am until you have been where I have been. Do not sit there and tell me to take it, you do not understand. Just because you read some books and took a psych class does not mean you are ready to deal with the issues in my life.' ~ T.D Jakes