48hrs

Am writing with much ease than I have in a while, I guess am feeling better everyday, yet I am still very uncertain about life, future and everything. I still have not heard from UPEACE, am starting to think they did not even get my package! I want to go Lord, I do, I actually need to. Just cleaned up my room, and broke a photo frame,it hurt, but then things do break in life, and accidents happen when we least expect them. things get broken, and we cant mend them sometimes... we have to leave them the way they are and life has to go on. Am looking at the frame now and its broken a piece of the top is off and gone, the pieces are going to the bin and I have to forget about them. Yet I miss the wholeness of the glass frame. But maybe sometimes its better that its broken because it reminds us that when it was whole it was prettier and presentable but broken its still serving its purpose but it will never be as pretty as it was before. Life is messy. Anyway I have this 48 hours thing to think about, I want to with all my heart, I want to say yes to it, to make it happen. But is 48hrs all I will have? I will have to say no to it and let it pass, because even though its what I have wanted and longed for I have to say no. Not because I don't want to, but because 48hrs is messy, I have questions that if I answer all point to a shake of the head,Its not wise and will definitely cost much more than is worth losing. I respect the orient, I respect the thought, I respect the offer but I must say, I respect those to consider more than the 48hrs. And for all its worth I hope that I can live forever knowing that at least I had 48hrs to consider...