Loosen up

"You have the capacity to change the plot-line of your life, even if you've been acting from the same script since before you can remember. No matter what has happened up to this point, you have the right and the capacity to be happy. You are an innately creative being, capable of writing a love story worth living." ~David Simon

Since I can remember I have been a super closed, and uptight human being. Its often easy for me to make friends, it’s the allowing people inside that is the hardest part. I have not enjoyed the gift of receiving as much as I give, because I have become accustomed to giving and thinking am not worthy (subconsciously) to receive. You know the feeling that receiving sometimes comes with? Some people say its humbly, I say it’s a belittling feeling. I want to explore this, to find out where it stems from. 

Last night I was thinking of some of the perturbing inclinations I possess, I have a tendency to run to the bathroom every 20 or so minutes when it’s not easily accessible. For example my present apartment has the bathroom way out of reach from my room I have to jump hoops and loops to get there, so usually I do not use the bathroom in the night but now I wake up two to three times to use it. When I sit right by the toilet in a plane, I usually will not use that bathroom until I land no matter how long the flight however when I am far away from it, the need for it will annoy my sleeping neighbor. I also tend to stay up way too late when I have an appointment in the morning, even when I have sleep I search for things to do. Another strange one is me doing absolutely nothing when I have a huge deadline ahead of me, like my thesis, I gave my Migration & Refugee Thesis nothing until I had a deadline to present and defend it. I pounced on the thesis a couple of weeks before I was given a date, this happens with all major events in my life. I tend to think things through a lot and wait until the last moment to do them. Now am entering my story, am slowly becoming a wise to, on me.

On day five, The Giver : According to Juan Carlos is one who gives unconditionally, with no expectation of receiving in return, and this is what brings us the most happiness. It is a choice of being, a decision to live life to its fullest. When we nourish others, we nourish the entire universe, including our own soul. In reality, giving and receiving are the same thing - they are simply different expressions of the same flow of energy. Since everything in the universe is inextricably connected, when we send love out, when we cherish and protect our friends, loved ones, the environment, and all else, we are simultaneously taking care of our own body, mind, and soul.

Giving, receiving, giving, receiving . . . it is a continuous flow of energy that circulates through everything in the universe, nourishing life and expansion. So in today's meditation and in all our activities, let us focus on giving that which we love, that which we enjoy in life, and that which makes us feel nourished, cared for, and connected. Let us dance with the universe and fully enter the present moment by giving others that which we seek.