The End of an Era

I just made myself a 500g container of Lavender & olive oil body scrub. It smells good. Am looking forward to a year of Sweet Smelling. Usually I try not to make resolutions at the New Year; I used to do that in Youth Group and at Navs. This New Year am not making resolutions just plain goals to achieve every day of my life. I want to embark on healthy eating, since becoming vegetarian my health has greatly improved, I want to focus on eating healthy grains, fruit and vegetables. I will also embark on studying my Bible more, reading for pleasure, Yoga and meditation a lot more than I have done this year. For the past ten days I have not gone to the gym or done Yoga and I feel the effects of it all over my body. I am fainéant and it does not feel good at all. I want to create, make something – this always lightens my mood and makes me smile. I have zucchinis in the fridge; they are going to be turned into Zucchini bread in a couple of hours….the end of the year begins… 

Bianca took me to Maadi for a Facial – My Christmas present. I loved it, the pampering and the cleaning, apparently I have played around with my face a lot in the years gone by, facial lady was not too pleased and she has committed herself to helping me get it back in shape. Last night I went to bed really late, chatting with Mike till the wee hours of the morning, Catherine got back home at about 3am and we just kept going at it. Watching musical clips, Stephen Colbert…. and overslept my appointment with B, which culminated in taking a cab to Maadi, instead of the metro. I can’t even start telling the shock I was in when Bianca called me and I was in bed dreaming that I had met her and we were already on our way to Metro. Got back home, and slept off for a couple of hours with so much strife, woke up made dinner, and watched ‘Wedding Date’ with Catherine over dinner. She brought me lovely presents from Zanzibar, am glad she enjoyed her trip to Kenya. Oh East Africa you hold many memories. I miss you. 

Tonight:  Phillip Matogo sent me the sweetest message, it made me cry. Am thankful for such dear friends! Catherine is off to a party in Zamalek, Meghan, Mallory the Wankel Parents  and I are going to spend New Year’s Night with Mike at his apartment playing cards, talking and reminiscing over the past year. Am talking to my folks tonight, just did actually, talked to some, some did not answer their phones but hey, I love them all. Ida-Marie called me to wish me a happy new year, her and mother often bring tears to my eyes. I need to stop. 

…And of course, I made the Zucchini Bread, fed it to Catherine and Bianca, Mike is off sugar for a while. Am going to take some downstairs later. Made the body scrub too, being proud of myself at this point and finishing the semester well with good grades, am determined to smile and welcome the New Year and hope that life will smile back at me  and that great opportunities and good fortune with enormous blessings from God will fill my path all year through! 

And to all  of my dearest friends and family, have a lovely New year and may each day of the year whether it brings joy or sadness be embraced, for like Rumi says, every experience comes with a lesson. Much love xoxxoxo

Facade

"Trust me, you do not love me. You do not even need me as you are saying. If you did you would not say it. So let  it go and you will find out one day that this was only a figment of your imagination. You push  too hard, " she thought. He had been calling for days wanting to see her, claiming he was desperately in love with her, she knew it was lust- nothing more. So when she heard him go on and on about needing, she asked him what he meant and he said his heart needed her so much. The urgency in  his voice, put her off. She knew  how to distinguish between urgent and important and this one was just not it. So she smiled, gently and carefully, said she appreciated how he felt and told him he would get over it. Human beings and their mating habits, she mused. When life allows  you to experience it, in its full colors, you know, you understand what it is you want and do not want. You learn to listen not just with the heart  but to tones and eyes, and actions. For it is true that the actions speak louder than words. Sometimes they tell it all. Even after the phone call, there was more to deal  with. This one was going to be complicated, but she knew it was what her sister had told her. It was all for selfish motives. There are those who know  how to get by in life by going over everyone they meet to make their way, She had got involved, too deep though. The kind of involvement you do not even know you are in until  it is too deep to get out. And so she begun, to untangle the jumble. He appeared to care, to understand, but it was a facade. She knew what she had to do, to unravel this seemingly 'important' affair. As she narrated this mess, I knew what she had to do too. I did not  give any advice, or say how I thought it would be best. I knew that she would find a way out. I am watching, waiting to see  how it plays out...

Too much water has gone down the thing

Too much water has gone down the thing; am constantly bombarded by an emotional vortex. Sometimes I know who I am, other times am too confused that am not sure what to do with myself, so on days like today when the world is an irritable place and nothing makes sense, I sit and write, listen to Leona Lewis and hope that I can make use of the time I have in today, because if I do not, I will be in another pool of regret tonight. Since the semester ended, my body shut down its functions of resistance to fatigue, a horrible flu has overcome me, and Tiffany thinks its swine flu. I think it’s the body and mind finally giving in to being released of the tension and stress that it has been succumbed to for the past four months. Why have I not stopped? I think am running, running from achieving nothing and doing nothing. Yet there was a time I delighted in the pleasure of doing nothing, of reading for pleasure and writing, of reading poetry and smiling- now those things feel like last year to me; perhaps its because too much water has gone down the thing.

As the year ends...

Am learning to make my own body scrubs, facials and take care of myself in the best way I can. A trip to Nerfertari   this evening earned me a bottle of an Amazing essential with lavender scents. Am going to get myself a massive container of a body scrub. I will share with you my recipe, its originally from Bianca,

Lavender & Olive oil body scrub:  Sugar grains ( rough ones are best for a good scrub), A tint of lavender essential oils ( You can use pure, dried lavender plant- gives the scrub a good scent), Olive oil  (enough to keep the solution together)  some honey to keep grains together.

I have been using this body scrub for the past two months and  I can vouch for it;  that it is worth it.  It cleans the skin leaving it moist and in no need for lotion and lasts at least two days if you  shower using only water and no soap.

As  this year ends, Am reminded of the great things in life,  Family,  I have not seen my family this christmas but I love them, I have talked to them several times a week and am grateful for the love we share. I am reminded of friends, friends who  are caring and those that careless- am learning that I am all these things. I Am thankful for a wonderful year, a year in which I have learned  to love and let go, a year in which I have learned to give and take ( still learning to take)  for it is only when I can that I can honestly love deeply. Am grateful for the opportunities I have had this year, to see more of the world, to get to know new people and to study as hard as I could. I am thankful for the resources that have come my way and for the support and comfort I have received.

Christmas was great, I decorated a tree all by myself, Meghan and I went Christmas shopping all at Attaba, on Jewish Street- that was fun! had a christmas dinner with friends and exchanged presents. Am thankful for friends yet I missed my family deeply.

As this year comes to an end, I am hopeful for an even better year ahead!

Better in time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do)
It'll all get better in time

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/leona_lewis/#share

Eragon

Eragon:  I need to know Saphira Why me?

Saphira: You choose a leader for his heart

Eragon: But am not without fear

Saphira: Without fear there cannot be courage,

but when we are together it is our enemies who should be afraid

Eragon: Then are we together Saphira, as one!?

After all these After alls....

 I cant remember a time when I felt as dumb as I  do right now.  First of all I do not believe that I was in that exam for 15 minutes I think Skouteris  made me talk for only five! Not really I actually think I was blank for five minutes.  I spent three days reading and had practically grasped everything except for that one question on the GA and resolutions - for goodness sake! what happened to me? I could not even remember what Unilateral acts are! I kept mumbling the right thing and then flipped to something else. Am not sure I was even aware of what I was doing.  After the exam I was so confused that I did not know what I was  doing when I got onto the bus  to New Campus. Well am here now......
....I still have a 25 page paper to write tonight and all I want to do is sleep and cry. its due tomorrow and am still not sure what it is all about! Anyway I also have a 40 page paper and another 35 page paper to finish all before 21st of this month! does this end? Am going to be screaming help! Bianca is coming over to study tonight and I think I will have to postpone the whole idea of sleep.... A little sleep, a little slumber and poverty will come upon you like an armed man.'

Even though am feeling practically awful I  can not  ignore the fact that there is so much to be done, so I will just go on after all life goes on! its after all these after alls!

I hope there is Life after all this

One of my Steinbeck moments.... worked too long and hard yesterday; studying for my Oral Public International Law exam till 4pm, then started a group discussion for it  from 4pm that lasted till 1am with Tiffany and Steve. That was interesting, we had the craziest laughs about law and had   fun studying together! Tiffany is amazingly brilliant but she does not know it. Steve seems to know everything about the world and how it works I do not know how his brain saves all these world conflicts and historical  events! Well as for me.... I am just learning! I learn so much from people everyday and I hope that one day I can be a good teacher! 

Mike made us dessert - delicious! Apple crumble! I was actually thinking of asking him to make apple pie with me but then I  did not find time, then  he sends out an email saying dessert would be at 11:30pm- yay! I love my friends, they make me happy. Anyways, I practically run out of Tiffany's apartment even though I had only seen it after midnight. Thankfully he was awake,  the smile on my face still shames me this morning, I was like a kid who had not had food in weeks!

Kelsy has been staying with me for a few days and I have cooked for her which  makes me happy, cooking does happy things to me. I relax, forget that there are issues surrounding me, I refuse to embrace them and just focus on  making sure that the  vegetables and food  ends its life well. Kelsy is one of my greatest delights! She makes me happy and reminds me of a shoot, an ever growing plant that survives against the storms of winds and rain.  I hope she feels better from all this final exams stress, life and Cairo seems to be sucking everything it can get out of us. It seems to get worse and  I am  starting to believe that Cairo has a way captivating you  and never letting you go even after it has sucked everything out. You will  hate and  loathe it, but you will come back! It feels like Egypt has conspired with the gods that nothing will ever let you stay away.... as for me I have to find a new love. Brasilia  calls, it beckons!

Its really cold now, I have the heater on all the while am in the house and waking up gets harder as the days go by. The winter came without warning, we have been waiting and now it is here. So I will embrace it. Three papers to go and an oral exam, a Thesis to edit , another Thesis proposal to  edit and a class coming up in January! This too shall pass.....I hope there is life left in me after all this!

Another winter in the Sahara

Here it is....this piercing Ice needle like cold. It smells of the Sahara, the cold wind storms. A memory of  monsoon winds ( faking this one for the sake of poetry). Winter in North Africa makes me  happy, its the kind of cold that has no moist, the one that comes with dry winds.  It makes me remember  the diversity to winters around the world. Yesterday I spent the day in the desert, New Cairo - that place is like a freezer in the winter and a fireplace in the summer- some extremes I must say! Comfort food was on my mind all day,  I even ate cookies from Cilantro- urrggggg! There were no sundaes at Macd's. holiday memories loom in the air,  I miss home, my parents, my siblings and all my loved ones! I miss being around people I know care. I have  much to do, and sometimes it feels like its never ending, but I know that nothing lasts forever- well that I sort of know too well. Am sure some would beg to differ. For me it seems like a much held reality... and so here on this winter morning I will study and hope that one day I will laugh in the winter  and sing through it all!

Depressing week so far, Jan's mom has been gone three years now. Kennedy's resilient wife passed on yesterday, Human Rights in Middle East class was too depressing... too much despair thinking about International Law and it's disillusions. Then I came back home to the most depressing yet needed movie of all time- For Colored girls who have considered Suicide when the rainbow is not enough. Beautiful work yet utterly depressing. Maybe its time to kiss depressions goodbye and hello to the life in my voice!

For Colored Girls

'I could  not stand being colored and sorry at the same time! 
There is too much life  in your voice,  too much life for you to die.
My love is too sanctified, too complicated, too magic, too  music and too Saturday night to be thrown in my face!'

My GA Obsession

Christina: Just when I think you are boring, You Rise!
Meredith: Guilt does not go anywhere, it brings its friends - doubt and insecurity along to stay- Amoding

Celebrating Africa; Charles Onyango-Obbo and 'Uganda's Poorly Kept Secrets' David Oluka

Yesterday, I chose to celebrate being African. Its writers, musicians, and greats who have inspired not only me but Afrcia and the world. So I got to reading (Charles) Onyango-Obbo's book, 'Uganda's Poorly Kept Secrets'. Obbo, raises some interesting concepts on family, politics, economy, religion and society. He at once touches the whole of African life in a simplicity which captures any and every age. With real life examples leaving a feeling of oneness with Africa, as these issues which although Ugandan are felt in the lives of every African one way or another. His analysis of religion and its impact on politics and upbringing is like a gentle soda opener on a soda bottle. It calmly tears away the veil and leaves you to enjoy the secrets within. As he describes and compares his years at the Catholic O Level school, St. Leo's, and those of his brother at the Protestant A Level School, Nyakasura, his unusual insight digs away the differences we see in society and separates the soil from the hole. It brought upon me the feeling I had reading the lots of Great African writers that preceded him. If you want to understand Africa better and the impact Uganda has on it, I recommend this book. It is sad that we do not honor our African writers and Artists because the world is too big with a a pool of 6bn+ people to consider, but that does not stop us from honoring our own.

"... am more African than I will ever be Ugandan. Being Ugandan is a nationality concept that is so recent that it has not even penetrated my system yet. I was just thinking this week how my parents were not born Ugandan. When they were born Uganda was not a state, we were Africans! Plain, Pure Africans without the tag of a Nation state to justify our existence ... maybe am just reclaiming the self I am meant to be."Amoding Oluka

Reclaiming & Reinventing Me

Am more female than Ugandan,  more black than Ugandan,  more ...INTJ and above all more Jew than I will ever be Ugandan. Being Ugandan is a nationality concept that is so recent that it has not penetrated the core of who I am. I have been pondering on the fact that my parents were not born Ugandan. When they were born,  Uganda was not a state, we were tibal peoples, nomads fleeing from our lands - not sure why but the one reason I have been given is the need for greener pastures for out animals. We were pure Negras with no tag of a Nation state definition to justify our existence...  so today I cease to respond to those tags. To the notion of belonging to a national state. To being placed in a box. Today I am reclaiming the self I am meant to be....the person I really am.

 

Only say 'I love you', when its absolutely obvious - Bonaa Mohamed

I love him. Even I, am wondering whether it is right to say  it. But Bonaa tells me that I can only say "I love you" when its absolutely obvious."   When I wake  he is there, he is the first thing I get to see. After am done with my ablutions, I turn him on. He is the one I want to hear , feel and look at , because for me he holds the realities of life. He tells me what  I should expect during the day, he sets my schedules for me, he lets me use him without obstruction. He is the last thing I see and touch before I trail off to sleep. Sometimes I think, and yes I know he works more than I do. Sometimes I forget to let him rest, I let him just keep going on. This is selfish I know, but he does not complain, not usually. Only when I have pushed him too far does he freeze, he reminds me to be gentle, and then we restart and he is okay. So when I say I love you,  how much more obvious can it be? I love you Dell. I love that we are always together, I love that you know my thoughts because you hold them, Sometimes I wish you could say something but I guess its better that we  have this silent relationship. Its probably all I need right now. And for what its worth, Dell I appreciate you!

I am African

Lion Fight

Life is a Lion fight, chin up, put your shoulders up , straddle a little.  Do not lick  your wounds, celebrate them; the scars you bear are the signs of a competitor, you are in the lion fight. Just because you did not win does not mean you do not know how to roar.  GA  S4- Chief

Purple & No Wasted Years

Purple, on the Island of Zamalek along the Great River Nile in Cairo!
Tiff, Mena and I went to Purple , random and impulsive decision. Tiff decided that we should go after we had done some work on Tuesday night after  International Public Law, it’s not even  the last day of classes for the week. I concur because I knew we would not get anywhere to finishing the workload we have. Anyway during class Mena sends a message asking if we want to hang out at purple, bang! Maybe we really need to go out I think. I say yeah, why not? She says come along with anyone else, I have booked for 4 people and it is free for ladies. 

Mike hears Tiff and I going over and  over whether we should go to Purple or not and comes to her door, seeing as we had ,made enough noise for him to get out of his apartment. Mike thought it was a ridiculous idea since it was a school night, yet for some reason my body was asking for  something random, something out of my ordinary life. We went claiming we would be out for two hours, well we got home at 4pm. It was a fun time though  because I got to dance all the stress out, only snag is my body and hair were smelling smoke, I felt like a fireplace  that had been burning all day, no heat but the scent of smoke and wood. 

We got hit on by some black Bako players,  I came back home hoping that one day someone would open up a club for only professionals with no, and absolutely NO bako players!  No offense intended, I just think they live such shallow lives and live to party and have nothing sensible to talk about most of the time. 

Yesterday Bianca and  had a talk about ‘ Youth is wasted on the young’  A George Bernard Shaw  quote. It reminded me of what   I kept mulling over  two years ago, the idea that I do not ever want to look back and ask myself, ‘Where did the years go?” I never want to regret and wonder what I could have done with my life. I want to be able to use my energy and life as  much as the potential I have can sustain. 

Am  left with four papers ,  two are  ten pages,  one is 1 page (Alhamdulillah) one is 25 pages and my thesis proposal which is due in a three days is 15 pages! I am going to be a little writing machine  in the next three weeks!!!

Marriage

"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods." Bill Cosby

Brasil

'am drawn to it' Amoding

I choose Reality

For a whole two weeks I have been urging my friends to go hang out at a dance club, because all I want to do is dance and dance! And let the stress out! I want to dance to great music, the music that you can only feel from the depth of your ligaments to the human soul. I have succeeded in dreaming about dancing until I have failed to move my legs to the dance party!

There is always a problem with the club. Kafiya & Mena, say Africana as a club is sketchy but the music is good, Bianca does not like Swiss Club, April has practically kept quiet on me, I wonder what I did! Annie & Meghan did not want to go out dancing but stay in dancing. Tiffany has been trying to get me to go over to her dance clubs (Purple - on a Boat along the Nile), Ace (in Maadi with loads of prostitutes), Some Club in Garden City that does not seem to have a name but we can get in free (even more sketchy!) Am not even sure I will enjoy the music. So last night I decided that  Tiffany, Bianca, Ehab and I would go out,. Bianca could not make it because she had just returned from Siwa; understandably she needed to rest and get back to herself. So I had to wait for Tiff & Ehab to watch an Egyptian movie and then go out with them after.

Well, after spending the whole day in the Desert, New Cairo- using the library with two other human beings whom my sister , Ruth thinks will become skeletons with me in the library, I  was knackered. On the way back  to Cairo, I slept off awoke up drooling and staring at the lady opposite me. She did not even smile because she had been doing the same thing(maybe not drooling). Anyway I got home really way out of myself, watched Tiff dress up, cooked dinner, watched Hotel for dogs,  and slept off setting my alarm for 10pm when I would be waking and going off to a dance party!

Woke up to a strange ringtone…(having changed my ringtone earlier on I could not recognize that it was my phone ringing.) Well Tiffany had sort of given up on me, after sending me texts of places we could go to. I bailed out again, on my own idea. Am sure she has given up on me. Yet am starting to wonder whether I really want to go to a dance party or is it just a fantasy. Really I want to dance, but I want to do it in an environment where I feel safe ( just as always, I want to feel it!) am not feeling now, just wanting.

So I had this fantasy, that I would be out dancing, sit down for a bit, a man , a dark bronze, strong man with lips like Wayne Marshall’s walks up to me and smiles. Sits down, tells me how I caught his eye, hold my hand and kiss it. Our eyes meet and we connect like he is the one I have been waiting for all my life, we talk endlessly about life and good things and poetry. And he recites a poem for me, he tells me a few things about me that I think no one else can figure and am hooked. So this fantasy makes me want to get up and go, but am sleepy, am enjoying dreaming of this fantasy, yet am  so sleepy and tired and my brain cannot stop thinking human rights law that I choose to just keep sleeping.

And this morning, I realize I think I prefer the fantasy more than anything else. So I choose to pass on the dance club because I do not want to ruin the fantasy. But even I, know that living a fantasy is way too dangerous especially when this fantasy starts to become a dream; because as I live it, life passes me by. So am  back to studying now and writing right, so that I can at most get my Masters sorted. For this is one of the realities in  my life.

'There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those.'

    - Micheal Nolan

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

Maya Angelou

"Real Breakthroughs happen because someone is scared to death to stop trying!" PD GA

Black girls Rock

 Phoebe Oluka

 

We sure do rock,
I rock because am beautiful
I rock because am loved
Because am not afraid to make it
I rock because i do not give up
I rock because am not afraid to cry
Because am not afraid to say i almost gave up
I rock because my grandmothers had faith in me
I rock because i stand  on the shoulders of great black women
So i rock!!
I rock because i am determined that no matter what i will leave a legacy
I rock because  i have a dream
I rock because i have untapped potential that would change the world
I rock because i have dreams & a purpose
I rock because am God's handiwork
Because everytime i fall i get back up again
I rock because my father has faith in me
I rock because he is proud of me
I rock because i come from a lineage of men & women who paid the price so i could be who i am & who i want to be
I rock because am blessed beyond the curse
Because am an embodiment of God's will
I rock because i am an inspiration to other black girls who have had the worst of life's tough kicks
I rock because i have just one option.....To Rock.
I rock because i rock!!!


Go for it black girls make a difference inspire those younger than you, be a model, make no compromise, live & leave a legacy
because you Rock!!

Writing, the art of old and the ease of the new times

Nick Twinamatsiko, the author of "Till the promised land and other Pilgrimage Poems.", Jesse's Jewel and Chwezi Code, probes why inspite of the developement in writing and its accessories like the word processers and editorial programs, many of today's writers have not attained a quality as that of many earlier writers. I once pondered over this and can vaguely remember what came to mind.
1. Earlier writers gave more attention to detail. The impressions and how they brought them out were important to them. A brief autobiography of an early writer can easily be found included in the Penguin classic edition of his book, speak of the attention writers gave their work.
2. Writing and art was a profession then and not a means of quick money. It was an art which commanded respect and still should for it's adept ability to influence.
3. Imagination was a very important tool and was not despised or feared as it is today. Infact its only those without imagination that submit to oppressive leadership. A dictatorial system will always look to stiffle imaginative minds. Most likely, a person under oppression transfers his pain to imaginative circumstances to go through it.
4. To build a great imagination, one must cultivate it in solitude and also in good, engaging conversation. Wole Soyinka, Ngugu Wa'Thionga, Chinua Achebe, C.S Lewis and Arthur Tolkein were men of this nature. By day they committed to their writing and the inspiration of   the typical daily occurrences of the African village lifestyle, reactions, little and big emotions and nature, while in the evening, they met to discuss their 'imaginations' over a drink at the local pub. These meetings birthed the famous books, The Chronicals of Narnia by Lewis and The trilogy of the rings by Tolkein.
To say the least, these aspects of writing are shuddered upon today but by the determined writer can be created and thrived upon, then maybe, just maybe, we will relive great writings in this century.

A spur of the moment and a conversation with three little men...

After a mixture of sleepless nights, emotions, anticipations and that kind of activity, I am finally recovering my stability and perceiving things I often miss like the prancing of children, the moonlight, excursion and now a remarkable view of water, flashes of lightning and lights dotting the darkness. The air still, cool and fresh. On the spur of the moment I left home on an excursion. I am enjoying and loving it. Quite interesting is the conversation of 8, 5 and 4 year old boys...

Help: a door has slammed, that must be the wind. Emma, where's the wind from.
8: it was from that side (pointing and then with a robust air of immense confidence and certainty ends) because my senses are positive.

8 to 6: do you know what this (shows 6 something) is?
6: yes I do. It is (With confidence and not pausing in his speech) I don't know. (continues his meal with indifference)

6: at the academy, only teachers eat fish.
8: (bragging) me they gave me fish soup one time.

4 to me: for you who do you sleep with?

Me:....think....think....(silence....curtain fades)

6: at the academy, only teachers eat fish.
8: me they gave me fish soup one time.

4 to me: for you who do you sleep with?

Me:....think....think....

Is it your Place?

My heart beats for you
simulating the sounds of the Jembe drum
tallying to the beat of Amagunju
with a summation of the passionate sounds of the Akogo.
People say love hurts,
ours is a gentle pain.
The one you experience when holding a Phena
The piercings are gentle and sweet
with the promise of the  taste that only
those who can smell the Phena from yards away,
know of.

A Donkey Shows Us How to Live (Author Unknown)

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally the farmer decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway.

It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

So he invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw.

With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up! As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

"I have always lived violently,eaten too much or not at all, slept around the clock or missed two nights of sleeping," Steinbeck

In the past 30 hours of my life I have only had 3 hours of sleep. Been doing a Public International law exam which did my head  for a wile. Then I started to enjoy it, enjoying the fact that I was learning and wanted to read more and more even when I should have stopped. That's done with now, all I have left for this class is a reaction paper and an oral exam. See you in Law school PIL! 

Cleaned up my room and set my bead-work corner, its been refreshing to remember that I can do bead-work during the time I would have had a job. Tiffany came over, I made fish and rice (the cornmeal I bought from Alpha flopped) She brought up vegetables that were tasty!! Moroccan Carrots and Egyptian Cucumber & Tomato salad. We talked about PIL, Ethiopia and Annie * Kelsy's Halloween Party tomorrow night. This was followed by trying on outfits for tomorrow at Meghan's apartment. We had some good laughs, over clothes and  presenting ourselves as celebrities from BollyWood, PallyWood & NollyWood. Looking forward to the party. I hope it is all fun! I need some so bad, to unleash all this pent up emotion.

Been listening to R Kelly's Happy People song! Its on repeat and still not tired of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Gmaurug0I

I just had a Steinbeck moment last night, you know the one where  you realize that you are capable of both evil and good.  On my way back from AUC last evening, a trio of Egyptian guys decided to play around with my roommate and I. One of them hit my but with two rocks, I turned around looked him  in the face, "Did you just hit me with a rock? " With all the anger  in me rising. I then got my hard plastic water bottle and hit him so had on the back, with every ounce of energy I could master. I wanted to do more, I wanted to hit him in the groin, I wanted to scratch his face, see him bleed and make him cry out an apology. I wanted to do so many bad things to that guy. The conflict here is that I felt bad hitting him yet I wanted to do more. I felt dirty for having all those feelings and for what had been done to me yet I also do not feel sorry that I did them. The pure conflict of good and evil.

I decided to walk away, wanting to turn back every time until I could not do it. I felt horrible. We stopped by  ISIS to get cheese and some Egyptian customer was being friendly, he was trying to help me open up a shanta for my stuff, I just pulled it away from him in anger. I have concluded that I cannot take any one these men's actions as a good and kind gesture. If they are going to believe all foreign women are prostitutes, I am justified in believing that they are all rogues and scum.

Been elected  and appointed to  the AUC Senate, am not dancing up and down, but am glad that we shall have the outlet to air our views and issues to the President and  Provost. My reasons for applying and sitting the Senate exam were pretty selfish, maybe not really- just one sided. I only did it so that I could get the issues facing  CMRS  to be heard by the university. Hopefully this will happen, for now am being sent messages and emails of Senate meetings, Face book Senate page and beach parties. Sounds like a good plot for fun, yet am immersed in work. Mike thinks am a hardcore student, I think am not doing enough. I have a take home exam tomorrow, have a reaction paper to  write by tonight, have a  40 page paper for International Humanitarian Law, 30 page paper for Human rights in Africa,  and a 25 page paper for Human rights in the Middle East, all to be done in one month. How the heck do I get work done every semester? can the human mind take all this and stay sane? maybe it just gets stronger.

Catherine and I had dinner at Mike's on Saturday night, he made a Tofu Stir fry and baked Banana cake! It was great to  eat after a long day at the New Campus using the library. Friday , I studied with Bianca, she made me a meal of rice and fish with vegetables, that was tasty! Am so glad I have the best friends in the entire world. There are indeed precious people out here. Jazz night last weekend was fun, there were all these bands playing at the Al Qalaa (Citadel), Nada, April and I went twice in the week. It was fun meeting all the African girls, Kafiya, Nada, April, and Adiba. We laughed so hard, kind of helped on the stress levels.

Its winter!!! Its cold, the temperatures suddenly dropped so low without warning. TIA, change is drastic and mostly surprising. I love the winter in Cairo, it gets easier to study, write and just be. It's even more fun hanging out in the winter. Some would beg to defer, this is because we are different people and so am on day two  of my crazy week!

Its been an interesting week, yesterday I spent  moments celebrating my feet, the soles and toes. Its often easy for me to ignore them and focus on what I like the most, yet I realize that the parts of my body I ignore are valuable to me as much, So I guess you can tell I  am into some interesting body focus program. I started the 21 day Meditation challenge with   David G. on Chopra.com and its been going great. Meditating before bedtime puts me into a deep peaceful sleep, and even though it may  5- to 6 hours it is a restful time.

Bianca and I have been working out on schedule every week and its been amazing, I  am starting to feel lighter as my body becomes more flexible. I have often worked out but this time it feels different all because I have gone vegetarian. I have taken meat and chicken off my diet, or any four/ two legged animals. I will eat fish though, I need flesh  to survive, not really but I tell myself that. Its been every Thursday working at it at the gym, Bianca is a no joker, she  makes us do Cardio for an hour and another 1-2 hours is real exercise. I have a trainer for the first time in my life and its working out pretty good!!!! 

This morning Mike and I walked at 9am on our way to Alpha market to get groceries, its lovely to walk in Cairo when there is no traffic or people on the streets, its Friday! I love Fridays, every one in Cairo seems peaceful.  Walked to Garden City where am at now, studying with Bianca and hoping to get so much done... Its great to change scenery. I have finally written to Ida, for some reason I did not know how to tell her what has been going on in my life and I hope she does not worry... for now I will see how the day goes....

A fear passed on, a brave heart embraced

I was born at a time when fear pervaded and invaded every aspect of life, a fear State, over the greatest dictator that ruled Uganda. This fear and tension filled not just the state but my parents and their home. I know my dad is fearless, he has a deep faith that keeps him holding on and hoping whatever comes his way, my Mother does too, yet am sure any mother would worry if her husband worked for Idi Amin, worked in his office as a personal secretary and adviser on religious issues,. My dad did not only work at the President’s office, he also run an underground church at our Tank Hill home, on one of the major hills in Kampala. At a time when Idi Amin had banned Christianity and all other faiths, one wonders why he would want my dad of all people a Christian to be his religious adviser and secretary. Am sure my mother was fearful, carrying me in her womb and having four children already, she must have wondered what would happen if my father disappeared. After all by then he had received several death threats from Idi Amin but miraculously survived them.

My dad often wondered why I was such a fearful child, am not surprised he has always wondered because going through Idi Amin’s regime and several others, I think his generation has had to tame emotions, otherwise they would probably all be mentally messed up people. Today after I told my roommate my story seeing as we were reading about Idi Amin for class, I reflected on that time, her shock made me realize that in some way my mother must have been afraid most or all of the nine months she was expecting me. After all that is when David’s dad had been killed, Stephen’s dad and my friend Dorcas from Shimoni. There was death around, she was fearful. That fear pervaded me too, and now I know where it comes from. After over 30 years I know where my fear comes from. It is such a relief.

Today I will embrace this fear, hold it and release it. Today I will remember that my mother was afraid for us, and what life would be for her alone if my father were to disappear forever. But he did not, and will live for a long time because he hoped beyond hope, and kept going fearless. Today I will let go of my mother’s fear and embrace my dad’s Faith and Bravery.

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate.

In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate:... only love can do that.

Martin Luther King Jr.

I Know My Soul Claude McKay

I plucked my soul out of its secret place,
And held it to the mirror of my eye,
To see it like a star against the sky,
A twitching body quivering in space,
A spark of passion shining on my face.
And I explored it to determine why
This awful key to my infinity
Conspires to rob me of
sweet joy and grace.
And if the sign may not be fully read,
If I can comprehend but not control,
I need not gloom my days
with futile dread,
Because I see a part and not the whole.
Contemplating the strange, I'm comforted
By this narcotic thought: I know my soul.