2nd July 2010
We did have a lovely birthday, Stella’s hubby surprised us with a cake, cookies and cards, we both thought it was very thoughtful of him. Arthur called to wish me happy birthday and my siblings all left messages on my Facebook, my parents sang for me on phone. They always make me smile. For some reason I was hurt that Ida forgot and sent me a message yesterday.
Been very emotional lately, I guess it’s all the pending hurt.
My writers Mind
Max came to visit with May and Mach his brother. We had a long chat and then May had to get home in some kind of frenzy, I could not let her go and so decided to hang onto her until she broke down and started to push me away, Is till did not let go. For one I have been there and having someone be there for me was the best thing that ever happened. I am adamant that people always need others at times when there is crisis. I kind of believe that going through a crisis on one’s own creates a kind of independence which is not bad in itself but it creates a negative attitude towards others. We fail to see others as human beings with failings, and we start to accuse them of what they have done and sometimes label others. Yet if we are able to get a different perspective during our time of crisis that may point us to the fact that people even though abusive and callous make mistakes, we may be able to understand grace in a much better way than we do. I must confess that having people walk through life’s trials with me has helped me look at people with eyes of compassion and grace even when I find that all I want to do is judge and label them. I am much appreciative of the help. So Max and I take May home. When she says good bye, she tells me “thank you so much, you have made a difference. Thank you for being there.” I can only smile, I like this. For a long time I have wanted to be able to say less and smile more. And for once I have been able to master myself in such a situation. I am getting there! We start to drive away and she starts to walk away from the direction of home. At this point its 10:20pm and I alert Max of what May is doing. He says he has to talk to her because she can pull stunts.
He gets out of the car and starts to walk after her, when he gets back it’s over an hour and half and I have been fried in the car, all alone in the dark, with the gas running, opposite an Eritrean community center with Eritrean boys looking like druggies and rogues. I am kind relaxed as I am aware that God is watching over me, When they stop by the car, I get out to find out what is happening and May decides to take me on another stroll with Max walking slowly behind us, she shares her heart vaguely. My head is hurting from the night cold air and am praying without knowledge about the situation, it’s almost 1 am and I have no idea, I share my life vaguely and May says, ‘sadfa’ a Swahili phrase that defines coincidence. I think maybe she understands that it’s not only her that has been through this life and it’s not as if it’s only her who lives in a house instead of a home. She starts to smile and relax; knowing she has to make a decision and move into the house whatever it takes. We finally walk to her door and I offer to come in with her, she tells me; ‘You coming will make things better for me, so I would rather you stay because life is not better, its harsh and I would rather it stays that way.’ I hold back Max agrees it’s not wise to do that as she has to be able to face the situation – so he implies. Anyway we head back home, Max is unusually quiet, not that I have known him for so long to know that he is thinking. He explains to me what May situation is, it does not make sense to me and I ask him whether it does make sense to him. He says, ‘yes it does.’ I smile and let it go. We drive home as he talks, I can’t quite remember what we were talking about, I remember though that we talk about his mother coming and him driving to Texas and coming by Montana to visit me. He says he will find time to come over. I smile and my heart is glad.
We get home and it’s almost 2am. Sibella and Mach are mad! They throw their beef at us for not calling and letting them know that we are okay, as we have been away for hours. For some reason they think I went away with Maxwell to Revere- where Max lives. We ask Mach to take a sit as he was on his way to find us, we try to explain that we took time with May, none of them believe us, they think we are inseparable and we decided to just go spend time together. Mach is mad at Max his brother for creating panic. We apologize and I ask Mach to lend me a CD that was playing in his car, while Max insists on reading my journal for the sole reason that he wants to see what I wrote about May and him. He has been begging me since 10pm. I give him a paragraph to read and we walk out to the parking lot to get the CD after Mach insists that I walk there with them and he would walk me back, I accept and when I get the CD, he wants to walk me back, Max insists he will drop me and Mach defends my presence in the parking lot by saying he had decided to walk me back. I am caught in between and all I want to do is spend a few more minutes with Max. Mach goes on to ask me the worst question anyone could ask, ‘So Orah,do you want to be walked back or dropped?” And my emotions take over, I answer “Dropped”. And Max drops me, he drives me to the main entrance and we linger saying goodbye, he gives the sweetest, most passionate hug I have had in a long time. I want to stay in his arms but we have to part. Oh life. Mach is riding his bike behind Max and I wave goodnight and it’s only when I narrate the situation to Stella that she tells me how bad I was. I should have let Mach walk me, and I start to feel horrible. Even as I write I realize that I should have just let Mach walk me, but I wanted to be with Max, we are so alike, we are comfortable with each other and we enjoy each other’s company. This was yesterday.
We had another conversation on race issues on the way to Chinese birthday dinner as we headed to an all-White place, when we got to the restaurant the lady did not lead us to a table, she said, “Can I help you?’ the implication was that we were lost and might need directions, at this point Sibella was raving, she asks the lady if they still have a lunch buffer. She leads us to a table and the waiter takes a bother 30 minutes to take our order. Oh the things we have to face for the skin we wear! When he finally comes to take our order he is looking outside the window acting like we are not worth much attention. Chuck tries to calm Sibella down, telling us to ignore racism as one day it will change no matter how many years it takes. We try to calm down and discuss slavery and experiences of racism we have faced.
We drive to another Chinese place to get pork, for dinner and for the trip today. Sibella and Chuck need to stop at a salon to visit with a couple close to them who ran the salon, Am amazed when I notice the name of the salon, it’s called “Kampala Beauty Salon’. Am told Waltham is practically Kampala. The number of Ugandans there is astounding and you can hear luganda being spoken on the streets. We discuss Ugandan Politics in the car and Sibella is adamant that she could never die for Uganda, Chuck believes he can. I concur with Sibella silently; I don’t believe I am nationalistic. I am not one to believe in nation states. It may come across as a sad thing but I think its Baganda peoplethat are generally much more nationalistic than the rest of the population. I like to think of myself as African and a citizen of the world. This way I can believe in Africa and its progress, I like to think of Africa without borders and a place where we are all one no matter what language we speak. In many ways I believe the moment we can see Africa without borders then we can fight the wars, racism and poverty in Africa with a much better perspective.
Sibella escorts me to the train station; I panic and think I will miss the train. But I do not. She has been ever so kind. I miss Art so much and refused to say goodbye, I can’t take goodbyes, I love them dearly and am glad I visited. I am so glad I got to know my friends better and that they were able to have me even when it was so hard for me to be there. I cried a lot last night and needed to let it out. I am much emotional for some reason. To be continued....
Its almost over, Am doing the last few hours of my journey across America. I am excited that I actually did it and there is nothing to worry about like everyone was worried when I decided to take this trip. In New York, a Canadian lady sat next to me, she started right away about how she was so excited about the retreat she was from. In a few minutes I heard her life story and the reason for the train trip, which was basically to spend time a Yoga retreat center that is amazing and that Dr. Phil’s wife had gone to attend as well. I wanted quiet, but there is something about a Ugandan, we have to be polite no matter the circumstance. Where the heck did this come from! Anyway I bore two hours of talk her life and asked a few question leading her on- just to show I was interested. I guess I would have been, but I was awfully tired. I just needed to be quiet, this is why I took the train trip; right? I decided to sleep off after a while and then she got off at Buffalo welcoming the quiet. Chicago was where I had to change training and had a five hour layover. That went well because there was internet at the station and so much kavuyo. The craze of people traveling made me wonder how people can be on the move every single day; we are many restless hearts and travelers. My first time to come close to Amish people, there were heaps of them. Families. youth and elderly people. They dress in a unique way and it’s an evidently defined family structure.
I am glad to be doing this because I have gotten to see so much and think and as well. Being in Minnesota did not bother me, it felt like there is something I have to do and for that I am grateful. I am glad that I could do this. North Dakota is plain fields, reminds me of Teso. Flat ground with telephone poles stretching across the land. It even has loads of swampy areas and farmlands. Driving across the farmlands of America makes me want to buy a combine harvester for my parents, maybe then they can be able to greatly improve their farming. I want mother to sell every single thing she grows and not buy other people. Am not sure I like talking about myself, every time I do it feels like my life is exotic and for some reason I don’t like hearing the wows! Cause it’s not that wowy, right? I am just living and I end up on the road most of the time which makes me such a nomad seeing as it’s not as if it’s not my doing or desire.
Some old man started chatting with me at the sight seeing lounge he told me so many stories of his experiences with God, I was amazed and some of it I just needed to hear. To learn to trust God rather than worry about the things that happens in my life. I am glad I chatted with him. Some African American lady came and tapped me as she and many others had realized that I had talked with him for so long, she said to me, “ You are good!” as if to say how could I stay talking to him for that long. Never seen Amish people in my life but on TV, today there are so many on the train and there were plenty of them in Chicago as well. I asked some Amish boys that were sitting next to me at the sight seeing lounge to help me look after my stuff because I need to go to the restroom. They graciously did. They are such smiley boys- they appear to me as guys who are hoping to get out of the life they are living; there is something about them that sings, am happy to be out!
Before the old man there was this pharmacist that talked to me for over an hour, he was quite interesting, he came to chat and said he had seen me go get some coffee and he went to do the same. Anyway he barely knew anything about Africa, but he tried I must say. Both guys who talked to me today both mentioned Idi Amin Dada, maybe I should start saying I come from some strange tiny country in Africa like Swaziland and see if anyone really does know anything about it. Am weary of hearing Idi Amin.
It’s almost over, I am waiting a few minutes before my stop, am smelling cake and coffee around me, I think most of the people on the train are waking up just about now. I could do this trip again; I can’t wait to do it with Milton. Am sure we shall enjoy it!
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