Trip to a Nubian village- Aswan, Egypt

When I heard that the BSA was planning a trip to Aswan I was elated.  I had heard stories of how beautiful, peaceful and clean Aswan is. I was also interested in the stories about how much Aswan brings a picture of diversity to Egypt which is not usually seen being in Cairo and the rest of Lower Egypt. The other important aspect for me was to experience the Nubian culture and try to understand how these two cultures co-exist in a country with so much beauty, potential and contradictions.

The main purpose of the trip was to experience a part of Egyptian History that I had heard of and could not put into context.  It was enlightening to stay with locals, attend a Nubian Union meeting and understand the plight of these internally displaced people from their perspective rather than hearsay. My MA in Migration and Refugee Studies is concerned with Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) and so this was very insightful for me.  During this time, I had just completed my Theses and needed to get away from Cairo to clear my head. I was able to relax., live in a comfortable peaceful village, learn how farming is carried out in situations where rain is not a constant and see evidence of the high dam and how it has influenced both positively and negatively the lives of the Egyptian people.  I also desperately wanted to experience the Nubian culture, and see the sites in Abu Simbel and Luxor. 

The program of the trip entailed, viewing historical sites in Aswan and Luxor, eating at local restaurants, visiting locals and getting an understanding of what local Nubian Egyptian life entails. It also involved spending time learning from the Nubian Union Leaders about issues facing their people in Egyptian, which ended with a plea to us as students to highlight their plight to the National and International Community. 

The program also entailed restful and fun times; we spent some time talking and playing games before bedtime. It involved a lot of self-discipline because we had to choose what was most important to spend time seeing in on a short trip.  This helped us learn how to discuss our needs, desires and preferences so that we were able to accomplish our goal of both understanding the Nubian experience and getting some rest. We were all graduate Students who were really tired and therefore had to learn how to schedule out time to include what worked for everyone. 

As expressed earlier I was already interested in the Nubian culture. As a black woman I face several forms of harassment in Cairo. Sometimes it is as if people in Cairo have never seen anyone of my color and I get to be reminded of it every day as I walk the streets.  One of my desires was to understand why as a black woman I face what I face in a country that has a large population of other black people. I am still interested in the Nubian culture and what it has to offer to a newly emerging democratic state. 

I learned from this trip that Egypt has a wealth of potential in integrating two very different cultures especially in this time of democratization. I also learned that the Nubian people do recognize that they are fully Egyptian as the rest of those in Lower Egypt. I also learned that Nubians to a certain degree have been excluded and not recognized by the state for who they are and this is what they desire. At the Nubian Union meeting the leaders expressed the issue of the Nubian people being a forgotten and excluded part of the Egyptian society which puts them in a precarious situation. 

I was also able to experience a lot of history that I had only read about when seeing the Valley of the Kings, Lake Nasser, and the Aswan High Dam, the buried cities, displaced people, the temples ,  living in a Nubian village among a host of other opportunities. One of the greatest highlights for me was living with the locals and sharing a boat taxi with them every morning, It was enlightening to be away from a hotel experience and get down to the basics of local Egyptian Nubian living. 

At the moment I can only hope that one day I will be able to return to Aswan and spend time writing about my experiences, the people and their plight. Maybe do a research on the amazing contradictions on the people of Egypt.

Ends

In the past week, I defended my MRS thesis - which turned out great because I passed. For some reason I could hardly do much after that, and have since then been in a state of quagmire - more like slack. It’s been a hard rough road and oh! how am glad it’s getting to the end yet the end is only the beginning. For now am smiling and trying to get some more work done, never stops. In fact it’s getting addictive.

My teaching assistant work came to an end today, wonderful experience. Last week I had to be a judge for a moot court class which was a final exam for the International Dispute settlement class. The students had amazing confidence, what’s even more interesting is that I took this class two years ago and I never had that much confidence.With the tables changing so much in life, I recalled that I was once standing there being judged and there I was being a judge - things do get modified. 

Yesterday some of my friends and I went to Shoubra - interesting neighborhood in Cairo, what were we there for? In search of a baladi bar. We got off two metro stops before the bar and walked about 60 blocks to find the place - apart from wearing me out, the walk turned out to be interesting, we experienced  different dynamics being in a majorly Coptic part of Cairo than what we experience in other parts. A little bit of cat calling, however people seemed to generally ignore us. In part I felt slightly invisible to what I feel being in downtown Cairo. Well, well, the baladi bar was something else. There is no bathroom for women; the norm is that it’s only men who hit the bar in this zone. We also got served a huge amount of vegetables with Stella beers which I found rather boring. Why do I think animal and bird flesh accompanies the activity of drinking alcohol? Am not sure why this is my argument considering the fact that I am still a beer virgin. I resorted to the dear  Ol'Sprite which did pay off when my bill turned out to be 5le for two sprite bottles and my friends bills were three times what I paid for the same number. One lesson am learning from watching consumers of alcohol is that if I want to save up for the finer things in life - which Ida and I would agree revolve around getting around this  big wide world I might have to be an alcohol virgin for a long time.

Baladi bars appear to be the best places to have interactions with local Egyptians. This I must admit is something that we miss out on being at an American institution especially in the Gradate program. For one several of the tudents who attend grad school here are generally widely traveled or most of them in my program are from abroad. Because of this we tend to assume that we are having amazing mufti-cultural interactions, when in essence we miss out on the local Egyptian experience. So last night we got to interact with some interesting men at the bar, of course not I in particular. I have developed a concept of men in Egypt that stops me from desiring any kind of contact with them on any level. The old men sitting next to my table seemed pretty respectful, they insisted I follow my friend to the bathroom when she went to use it because there were men using the loo and it would be quite unsafe for her to be there by herself. They also said good night on their way out. This is the most interaction I appreciate.

One of us in the group got into a long conversation with the men across from the table told us we were the 'light of Cairo' basically meaning: We were welcome to Cairo. There is something about Arabic, the poetry of the language and the depth of it that sometimes makes me want to spend years learning it. I want to grasp Arabic, French and Portuguese and these I know I will learn before am 50 years old. If I can dedicate two years to each language starting January 2012 I will achieve this goal, sa?

  

We had a very long and in-depth conversation last night on culture, love, race and life. In two languages, French and English, it was stimulating and intense; we left the bar at about 12:30am. I want to have more of these; I wish I was here for much longer with the same crowd of people :). There were ideas thrown out by everyone about intrigues and concepts that I found deeply insightful. In so many ways it’s a wonderful way to end an era, sharing what we have learned over the years and from being together as well. We have been shaped by each other and experiences. I hope that I can go away a much better person than I was when I first came to Cairo.

I feel like this week is going to be the end of an era, we are having a farewell party for one of my friend's who is leaving Cairo for good. It’s going to be sad, yet I am never sure what leaving Cairo for good means seeing as everyone always seems to return at some point. What matters most is that we are having a party tonight and we are going to have fun!! - of this am sure.

‘We spend the whole of our lives watching ourselves. But when a man becomes meek he has finished with all that.’ R. Kitabire

Today my parents celebrated 37 years  of being married to each other, however they have been dating for over 45 years! Of course am wondering whether this is ever going to happen for me? My mind has not gone too far as to imagine the details so I must leave it at that and be happy for them. They have had a wonderful day of smiles and reminiscing which they do always. 

Today, am also off to Raquel's farewell party where we are having Yemeni food - love it! I will miss Raquel so much, crocheting together and eating what the other has baked. I will miss seeing her across from my window, her head filled with springy curls and smiling no matter what the day brings. Am sure we shall see each other again, as John  Gay said,"We only part to meet again."

Just returned from Raquel's party, its 3 am, oh my! How we were stupid, oh! how we had fun.On our way to Meghan's for the party, Bianca and I walked through Tahrir, it was parked with people, Egyptians building posts for the protests that will demand that Tantawi step down and a civilian government rules. People seem adamant, I wonder how this one will go? I do not think Tanatawi will step down easy,  inshallah no one will die. 

Back to the party Meghan thinks that if we continue to hang out together we shall be good for no one esles' company but ours alone. We drank, We ate (my favorite part), We danced, laughed like crazy, took pictures in parents clothes (Raquel's and Meghan's moms outfits- which by the way were not meant for us ). 

We hang out on Meghan's rooftop where we could see so much of Cairo city and talked like we were avoiding our beds and looking at Cairo in the night was much more fun. Today we were ourselves, maybe we do not watch ourselves too much anymore, maybe we have finished with all that, and can be free with each and let each see who we really are, maybe we are meek the kind of meekness akin to a passionate lion! ah, even I feel like the walls have come down; how freeing! 

I need to hit the sack, my heart is glad :) yet it is also sad :( to see Raquel leave.

“Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.”
― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Why Not Be Polite?

Everyone

Is God speaking.

Why not be polite and

Listen to

Him?

Hafiz

Oh for life!

She became a liberated individual when  she smoked weed. He said it was good, that if  she did it, she would relax, and she did,  smiling with such childlike content. She had decided to have a  puff or two, freaked out at some point but decided to do it anyway. She lightened up, drank some wine, tasted gin, and then took a few more puffs. Oh, the feeling  She had was indescribable; you know that feeling you get when you feel like you are in control of who you are and you know what you are doing  is your own choice? There is something about this, that brings freedom to the table, you stare at it, smile at it and embrace it and in an instant you are free. "You just deflowered me,"She said smiling to Fulan who had given her the weed, He laughed and said she was crazy. It was an amazing night, a night where cares  had no space, laughter filled the air and everyone was a bundle of joy; oh for life!  - Excerpt from 'Deep Inside'

The invitation

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,

And if you dare to dream of meeting

Your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

For love, for your dream,

For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,

If you have been opened by life's betrayals,

Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,

Mine or your own,

Without moving

To hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,

Mine or your own,

If you can dance with wildness

And let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

Without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,

Or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore am trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty

Even when it is not pretty every day,

And if you can source your life

From its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,

Yours and mine,

And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,

"Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,

Weary and bruised to the bone,

And do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

In the center of the fire with me

And not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

From the inside

When all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

" Its a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it, some people; as far as their senses are concerned, just feel like home. "  High Fidelity

That Thing: Sometimes this thing (I)

As they walked along the rise that leads out of Pelourinho, holding hands, a peek here and there he complains that she is not showing much affection and she wonders what else he wants for her to do.  The thing about how when you are in Rome you act like the Romans? It just never stuck.  She had her inhibitions, the kind she kept as though she were going to get gold for them someday, those ones you hold so dear that you begin to believe they are everything. There are things about life and affection that sometimes you just have to let go of, she thought. The thinking was easy; it was the doing that seemed like a myth. When she noticed his frustration at not getting through to her, she smiled, and said, “This thing, the Brazilian public making out thing has not yet caught on me.” 

There was something about her that made him want to engage, he could not put a finger to it; or maybe he was not listening to himself, that thing about listening with your heart he brushed off, this woman made him go places with his ears. He wanted to listen to her with everything he had, he started to think that he may finally come to an understanding of that thing about listening with the heart, but the heart is a tricky thing.  On the rise out of Pelo, just before they go to cross the road towards the direction of the road to Port Barra, where she wanted to spend the day with him on the beach, someone called him from behind them. He recognized his friend Chukwu. Chukwu had always had problems with his car, it was twenty years old yet still, he could not let that thing go, Mamanda realized that they should have taken another route  away from the famous garage where Chukwu seemed to have a permanent place. Knowing her man, she knew she would have to wait for him to help because he never thought twice about helping a friend. Why did Chukwu need her man’s help at a garage anyway, “I thought people paid someone to work on their cars in a place like this? She mumbled to her man. Being a man of few words he mentioned something about how he would be right back and helped find her a spot to wait from.

While she waited, she recalled how when on her first trip to Nakuru, Kenya on her senior six long vacation from Uganda, several Kenyans sustained old cars. Maybe they are just poor, she had thought. On another trip several years later, she’d gone to Eldoret for a friend’s father’s funeral and her friend’s uncle picked her and a few friends from the bus stop in the oldest Peugeot she had ever seen.  That thing must have been thirty years old, he took them to his house where they would be staying until the funeral was over. On reaching this house they were mesmerized, they could not place the two together, the idea of a ram shackled car and a humongous furnished mansion owned by the same man. Maybe that thing about how Ugandans just love nice cars even if they lived in the dingiest of places is also true. That thing about how Kenyans, save and invest in property and do not splash money around might also be true. Ah! For generalizations, she wondered what kind of house Chukwu had. Since she had only been in Pelo for a couple of weeks she had not yet had the chance of getting to know her man’s friends. And why was she even calling him her man? She wondered. It had been two weeks and this thing between them, had no name yet.

As she sat on the pavement by the garage, she noticed the female hawkers had on boob tube tops and hot pant shorts, she had started to fall in love with Brazil, covering the body here was an art, it seemed like no one would care if one decided to go around topless, some of the outfits she had seen on the female species left nothing to one’s imagination, yet it felt right, the freedom was freeing in itself.  This was going to be her first day at the beach in her new bikini outfit, as she glared at Chukwu who kept smiling at her and saying thank you for stopping to help, she mastered all the strength so as to avoid calling him names as her irritation rose at Chukwu’s car woes which wasted her precious beach time. After about two hours, her man walks up to her, smiles and says they can now leave. A little furious that he had not offered to get her something to quench her thirst on this humid day in Salvador, she turns to show him that face, and  wakes up from her slumber. 

Life Questions

1. Am I genuinely happy, challenged and fulfilled in life?

2. Am I making a consistent and valuable contribution for God and his kingdom?

3. Is the direction my life is now taking leading me toward a satisfying and meaningful future?

4. Can I honestly say that I am in the nucleus of God’s will for me?

Richard Ochieng

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings ~

Going to Bed with a Stranger

As soon as I heard this sermon, I knew for sure that this was telepathy. If there is anything am drawn to in this life, it is the desire and pleasure of communicating with metaphors; life itself is one massive metaphor you have to agree with me. Every time I come to an 'aha' life moment, life only gets better. My kid sister, Phoebe, likes to confess,  'Life can only get better from this point on.’

As I said yesterday, the cancer in me is fueled by emotions and I guess just being me am prone to day dreaming and creating a future that I want to live.  Well, being on this road includes advisers, friends (non-haters of course), endless thinking, analysis and decision making; however sometimes I just want to plunge in. The thinker in me won’t let me.  I just had a flashback, as Kim says while twirling her finger, 'wait for this!'  three weeks ago, I had gone to Universadade Federal da Bahia to get work done, as I waited for the bus several people walked up to me and asked me in Portuguese whether buses to Praca da se stopped there, I replied in the pequeno Portuguese that I knew that yes they did, and of course they assumed I was Brazilian. After about 30mins I got tired of waiting and I decided to sit by the road, cross legged, I did what people do, or maybe  what made me look so at home. I remember feeling so warm and at peace with myself, as if I was at home and that is the day I knew for sure that I wanted to live in Brazil. The move may not be easy, it may be complicated, and it may happen it may not, yet right now at this moment I know it is what I want. 

This morning T.D. Jakes has been talking about becoming intimately involved with what one has been dreaming about for too long, take the risk and live life. He talks about the need we have of wanting to be legitimized and it is in this new move of becoming intimate with what was just an idea, going to bed with one’s dreams that will bring legitimacy to our lives.  Like he says, I have to stop listening to what I have consumed and start finding out where the equipment’s are to make my dreams come true. The encouragement to make myself available to opportunity, will allow opportunity to cover me with its skirt. Opportunity cannot  cover you if you aren’t there; I have to make myself  visible  to living  where I want to live and invisible  to where I came from- the two cannot function together.  So here I am getting ready to go to bed with the strangest dreams I have ever had!

Safety & security for me are such key elements to living, I want to birth in a safe, healthy and beautiful place, whether it be dreams, children and hopes. Am also reminded that Lions never birth where there is traffic, or confusion, they often move to a place of safety, Lambs do the same; maybe it is why Kimara had to be born where there is love and security- kudos to his mother! 

Am sure you may have guessed that this sermon comes from the book of Ruth in the Bible that ends in Baby talk, she on her second marriage to Boaz is finally healthy enough to reproduce and God says to her (not literally), “Now am going to let you do what you could not do before, what you failed at and could not get to happen and you were angry at me that I could not let it happen. You thought I said no, but I said later. Now am going to do what you have been dreaming of as you are far  enough in the process of growth to let it happen. Now you have cleaned up, you know who you are, you know who I am and now you are going to birth it from a different place. You have your strength back, you can spot a phony, you can spot a  jigalo, you can tell when your girlfriend is a hater and now that you are in a healthy place you are going to do it and if you have the courage to try what you failed at, I am going to make it happen for you.”

Recollections

It’s been a few days now, I miss Brazil with every bit of me. Apart from having the most amazing last few days there and meeting interesting people. Am listening to ‘How ‘Bout us’ Champaign, the urge to send it out makes me feel all cheesy and greasy so I will pass. You know the pure cancer in me is devoted to a life of feeling and fueling her emotional drum. So last night Janet and I, well not really last night- every night since I have been back have spent time talking about emotions and feelings and men- oh men!  When in Brazil, one knows for sure that men and woman cannot live without each other; I guess I always knew this Brazil kind of solidified the idea for me.  Last week I spent a few evenings with seven Nigerian Men and a Brazilian man at a Café in Pelourinho. They talked I mostly listened, on one occasion we decided to head to Sankofa an African club, for the Afro-Beats night where we danced the night away. I had a long chat with a  friend for once in that week I felt like a normal woman- intelligent, spiritual and deep conversation leaving my soul fully satisfied, I love human beings. On reflecting I know for sure that God does look out for me, with a full heart I came to the end of my 21 day fast and meditation which I have been doing under the guidance of the Chopra center. 

As I was saying, Janet and I have been doing a lot of talking and with her being at a new stage of her life, she really has come alive. We both have. We are learning to embrace who we are as individuals and appreciate out weaknesses and strengths as definitions of us. Am also more aware of the fact that I am more spirit than body and the 21 days have nourished the deeper me. 

With Kimara’s coming, and  me not getting younger am starting to think seriously of having children, so the most part has been day dreaming of children and my dreams being interrupted by the plans I have for the next few months and coming year. Am excited about the next leg of my life, I want to be able to enjoy the next three years whatever  task I give myself or wherever I decide to settle down. As we figured out last night, being near water is what makes me come alive and will probably be where I am most successful, Salvador is pure temptation now, with all the friends and love I have there. When I was leaving for Brazil I remember mentioning that I was somehow looking for a place to settle and raise children and now am sure I have found it. 

On a completely different note, Annie sent me an article today about Tyler Perry and Spike Lee; of course she knows how much I dig Tyler Perry which is why. The last paragraph of the article caught my eye and I decided to respond to it with my own analysis of this relationship.

 “Perry, uncomfortable with rage as a fundamental part of our humanity, fully personalizes rage and always provides a romantic resolve to it. Lee trades on rage: it seems that he wants to inflame Black energies to awaken our sleeping Black collective consciousness against corporate interests that produce economic injustice and the lack of racial parity. He cannot see, however, that without a movement to channel that rage, it runs the risk of violence and anger; not peace and equality. Maybe the question we should pose to ourselves and both of these artists is how do we effectively channel Black rage? This might help us all reinterpret and rethink our capacity towards rage, something our art too often irrepressibly denies or irresponsibly ignites” http://www.urbancusp.com/newspost/tyler-perry-vs-spike-lee-black-identity-claims-in-film/#

In my analysis, I like to look at it Tyler's way, resolve rage in ways that suit the individual, it is not easy to deal with rage as a group. People have to learn to reinvent themselves. Spike needs to go past the whole racial discussion; it's pretty old no matter how real situations are today. Do not get me wrong, am aware of racial prejudice and still face it today however after being in this world for over 30 years I realize that there comes a point when you have to learn to learn not to ignore but to see yourself in a different light. People are just people; they often take you for what you present. I remember my dad always said, “If you put yourself down, the world has no time lifting  you up. So think worthy of yourself and respect yourself and the world will do the same.”   I think African Americans need to start viewing themselves in a light that transforms them from believing they are less than to realizing that they are accepted under the legal framework and use this avenue. Even if some people may not approve of it, it is up to them to change who they are because at least they do have avenues to rethink who they are. What I think Spike lee does is continue to engage issues of race without a practical progressive resolution- Tyler on the other hand takes the issues away from racial discussion to helping us understand the cultural make up and lifestyle of the African American which then allows us to start to appreciate who they are and realize that there are dysfunctions we cannot run away from in every society. I sure hope the two can work together, however I think Spike Lee is too proud to be the better man while my guess is Tyler might consider welcoming the idea- he is a lot more open minded.

Kimara

You are finally here, and am wishing with every bit of me that I were there when you came. I want to see you, I want to know you, to  love you hold you and tell you how much we have waited for you. You must be super chill. With everything that you are  you are  welcome to this beautiful and fun world. 

“If you can allow yourself to breathe into the depth, wonder, beauty, craziness, and strife – everything that represents the fullness of your life – you can live fearlessly. Because you come to realize that if you just keep breathing, you cannot be conquered.” - Oprah

Do you know how beautiful you are?

Do you know how beautiful you are?

I think not, my dear.

For as you talk of God,
I see great parades with wildly colorful bands
Streaming from your mind and heart,
Carrying wonderful and secret messages
To every corner of this world.

I see saints bowing in the mountains
Hundreds of miles away
To the wonder of sounds
That break into light
From your most common words.

Speak to me of your mother,
Your cousins and your friends.

Tell me of squirrels and birds you know.
Awaken your legion of nightingales—
Let them soar wild and free in the sky.

And begin to sing to God.
Let’s all begin to sing to God!

Do you know how beautiful you are?

I think not, my dear,

Yet Hafiz
Could set you upon a Stage
And worship you forever!

-Hafiz

“Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?” Robert Downing

Three days after I arrived in Salvador, the elevator in my apartment building stopped working.  Using the stairs to the fifth floor after a long day of walking in the sun or rain and up and down the hills of Salvador has been pretty tough, however on week 3 I started to whisper to myself, “power thighs, and gurrl! Go for it!’ it’s week five, I came up with groceries, half way running up the stairs saying out loud, ‘ it’s all about attitude gurrl….’ The security guy downstairs keeps saying, ‘amanha, amanha” I do not trust him. He has been saying this since it broke down; even if it got fixed now  am not interested, I need those power thighs anyway. I emailed my landlord the other day, worried that when am leaving I will have to drag down two suitcases, heavy ones- I packed for Cairo  and Uganda too. The thought of leaving saddens me. I walked through Pelourinho today and my heart was sad, I do not want to leave, I love this place so much. I met Khaled today, he's half Jewish, half Sudanese, born in Israel and raised in Brazil. Said his parents decided this was the best place to live because they would be accepted here more than anywhere else. Even I agree,  he and I had a connection; he works for  'Projectoaxe" which am interested in. It’s a project that encourages street children to use their skills through art education, the clothes they make and pieces are world class. There is an edge in Salvador I have not seen anywhere, people are not limited, they go to great lengths to express who they are with such passion and energy that makes the place come alive. 

After I recounted my elevator woes to my landlord in an email, he felt it was reasonable not to charge me energy separately to compensate all the inconveniences with the elevator. Smile :0 My friend Nicole in Paris, was amazed she reminded me that Egyptian landlords would not do this, so here I am being appreciative , while cranking up the  A/C and not worrying about how much it’s going to cost me anymore. Am not taking this for granted, as gratitude makes me more aware of the gifts that I have been given. 

Tomorrow am going to visit the project. I visited the Nigerian Cultural center where I met Raquel who had received an email from me, at the Steve Biko institute, she was very helpful and spoke English really well. I have been wondering why on earth there is a Nigerian Cultural Institute here; however after visiting the place I understand so much more . Renato, a Brazilian artist was telling me about how Brazilian slaves came from every part of Africa, and have been able to exploit that to express themselves. Most West Africans after slavery returned to Africa, the East, North,  central and Southern Africans did not return and instead have continued to build on this history. Am sure some of the Nigerians who returned kept those ties and are using this through the cultural institute to promote their culture. Brazilians are such a great mix and I must admit they must be some of the most beautiful people on this earth, maybe this is really what the world is going to look like in  fifty years. Hence my desire to stay here, I mean a culmination of factors being the reason. 

Brazil will pass a bill anytime now to grant stateless people and refugees Permanent Residence rights to reside  within the State, in my sub conscience I have  thought of staying here and pretending to be stateless, then leave in four years when I have attained Permanent residence. The other option is make sure my dissertation research is based in Brazil and then come here every year for Post Doc research; I guess I’ll opt for the latter, much more promising and challenging. In this thought, my reach is exceeding my grasp, should this not be the case?

I cannot expect to have if I do not give, I cannot expect to receive that which I will not share, I cannot expect to be comforted if I hold others at bay. I can and will have all that I am and am prepared to be, the goodness that not just resides in my heart, but is a manifestation of all the goodness that I strive to live daily.

Opal Palmer Adisa

Who to What

I have a friend who is overly proud of being a left 'handie' she has this notion that you should never fix people when they are inclined to be the way they are, which I concur with. I have no desire to fix anyone. European imperialists introduced the idea that there was something sinister about left handed people and so for several years communities in Africa have tried to fix  all the 'sinisterees'. Why am I talking about this? aha, its been seven days and I am more aware of who I am than I was seven days ago. As I think of the profession I want to  pursue am, I know that I want a profession where I have space to make a diversity of contributions. I do not want to be stuck behind a desk, or be limited to a specific area to execute what I have to offer. I want to be a teacher, lawyer, writer, researcher, wife, mother,sister,friend and lover. All these I will be. And so as I get into the next days and ask myself what I want? My decisions  and goals in the next few days will determine where I will be in the next six months to a year.The decisions I made 6 months ago have determined where I am today. There is indeed a pattern.  After doing the left/ right brain exercise I know why am not that big on expressing emotions, and why dealing with numbers comes easy for me. I guess it does have some truth to it. Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realizing your right brain/left brain tendency will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (14) Right Brain Dominance: (11) The left-brain is often described as being better at: Language Logic Critical thinking Numbers Reasoning the right side of the brain is said to be best at: Recognizing faces Expressing emotions Music Reading emotions Color Images Intuition Creativity Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Loosen up

"You have the capacity to change the plot-line of your life, even if you've been acting from the same script since before you can remember. No matter what has happened up to this point, you have the right and the capacity to be happy. You are an innately creative being, capable of writing a love story worth living." ~David Simon

Since I can remember I have been a super closed, and uptight human being. Its often easy for me to make friends, it’s the allowing people inside that is the hardest part. I have not enjoyed the gift of receiving as much as I give, because I have become accustomed to giving and thinking am not worthy (subconsciously) to receive. You know the feeling that receiving sometimes comes with? Some people say its humbly, I say it’s a belittling feeling. I want to explore this, to find out where it stems from. 

Last night I was thinking of some of the perturbing inclinations I possess, I have a tendency to run to the bathroom every 20 or so minutes when it’s not easily accessible. For example my present apartment has the bathroom way out of reach from my room I have to jump hoops and loops to get there, so usually I do not use the bathroom in the night but now I wake up two to three times to use it. When I sit right by the toilet in a plane, I usually will not use that bathroom until I land no matter how long the flight however when I am far away from it, the need for it will annoy my sleeping neighbor. I also tend to stay up way too late when I have an appointment in the morning, even when I have sleep I search for things to do. Another strange one is me doing absolutely nothing when I have a huge deadline ahead of me, like my thesis, I gave my Migration & Refugee Thesis nothing until I had a deadline to present and defend it. I pounced on the thesis a couple of weeks before I was given a date, this happens with all major events in my life. I tend to think things through a lot and wait until the last moment to do them. Now am entering my story, am slowly becoming a wise to, on me.

On day five, The Giver : According to Juan Carlos is one who gives unconditionally, with no expectation of receiving in return, and this is what brings us the most happiness. It is a choice of being, a decision to live life to its fullest. When we nourish others, we nourish the entire universe, including our own soul. In reality, giving and receiving are the same thing - they are simply different expressions of the same flow of energy. Since everything in the universe is inextricably connected, when we send love out, when we cherish and protect our friends, loved ones, the environment, and all else, we are simultaneously taking care of our own body, mind, and soul.

Giving, receiving, giving, receiving . . . it is a continuous flow of energy that circulates through everything in the universe, nourishing life and expansion. So in today's meditation and in all our activities, let us focus on giving that which we love, that which we enjoy in life, and that which makes us feel nourished, cared for, and connected. Let us dance with the universe and fully enter the present moment by giving others that which we seek.

Finding lessons

 "God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly - not one." ~ Rumi

Its day four of the Meditation and fasting challenge. Am learning that connecting to life in every form every day is to be a good student, and that nothing in life ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. I have always wanted to be a teacher even when I said I would be a Doctor. Since I can remember, I have always pretended I was speaking to a classroom. When I was 17 I spent the afternoons during school holidays revising by using the chalkboard we had at home. I would pretend there were students in the audience and just go on and on. Faythe, my elder sister thought I was weird. I still do this to this day, it really does help with revision, maybe I just love hearing my own voice and this may just come in handy in teaching. 

I can be impatient, and have thought this as a negative to my teaching career dreams. I want to learn to be patient. I want to be aware of who I am and what I can do. I want to be authentic. For it is only when I am authentic, that I can share myself and my experiences. It seems to me that being a teacher means to continually be open to learn new things, just like a curious child as Albert Einstein said, “Do not grow old, no matter how long you live. Never cease to stand like curious children before Great Mystery into which we were born.”  

 That nothing in my life is taken for granted and there are lessons in every aspect of life, in plants and animals even those ones I can’t stand. This week I will be trying to find lessons from life around me -even from the cats that sit in front of my building doing nothing but sleeping- appreciating the gifts I have been given and busk in the joy of knowing my dreams will come true.

Broken dreams.

Sank Soaked Squashed Dashed 

All that was.

Why?

I hurt and mourn, ‘cause it’s right

There’s been a loss, Where was bliss

I mourn for a future once hoped for

Memories held and treasured for, no more

Broken dreams.

Prayers that will never be.

You taste the tears,

I’ve lost in sorrow I see yesterday,

You see tomorrow,

This is just a page I’ve read,

You know the whole story.

You’ve written the story.

Another chance I ask.

 To walk after this fall,

To laugh after the mourning,

To see glory after shame,

To dream again,

To see tomorrow?

@2005 Deborah Oluka